Tired Dolly

On the up: Vodka
On the down: Too much partying

We partied so much on Friday (until 7am) that I think I may officially be sick of vodka.

No. Just kidding. How is that even possible?!

I do think, however, I shan't be wearing any more short skirts around JP. hmmmmm?

I have so many photos of THAT Friday evening but it conjures up far too many feelings of shame for a few of us so *ahem* in the name of decency and modesty and getting over bad behaviour, I shall omit them.

The whole of that night, he kept going on and on and on about Dollyblog which was simultaneously flattering and tiring. It was all,
"Oh, this one's for the blog!"
"You've gotta put this in the blog!"
"Do this for the blog!"

And then he tried to convince me that I had no friends.

So we shall layan and pretend for a moment that he is my only friend and give him an honorary mention here so he feels important.

I have so much work all of a sudden that it makes me just want to curl up into a coma for awhile. Oh wait. I did that all of last week during CNY. Serves me right for leaving everything til now. And I still have a f**king Brylcreem advertorial to write. My career of writing promotional pieces for cheap hair grease is just so challenging and fascinating.

Other things: some f**ker stole my handphone during a party in my own home but it's okay. I got my own back by being happy about it. It gave me the chance to go out and buy a brand new pink and white marshmallow phone. And it has a camera so there will soon be LOTS of photos taken of unsuspecting people.

PMS has been taking over my life which makes me feel like shredding somebody's head in half (a very particular somebody) just for the hell of it. And I have a zit, for the first time in about 3 years. And I'm so full of water, I feel like a sunken boat.

Oh god, it is so not cool to be talking about PMS.

I was going on and on and on about boys to JJ all through lunch today until I finally realised that he looked like he would reach over and strange me with the chicken bone he was gnawing on.

I said, "Okay, okay, I won't talk about boys anymore..............................................................."
and then added,
"But then there's nothing else to talk about!"

I think he just ignored me.

Before long, I was talking about this guy we both know and by that time I think he had given up because all he could say was, "Oh no, you're talking about boys again."

I finally shut up. But then I went back to YMT (where I was volunteering today) and continued talking to Ishwari about boys while she did stock take and noted down millions of items by hand.

But I'm not totally useless, okay? I tried to be helpful and asked if I should help her categorise things but she just said, "No need lah! You just sit there and talk about boys lah, okay?" She's so nice!

Oh god, it's only Tuesday and I'm already itchy for the weekend. More parties! More glamglam! More vodka in beautiful glasses!

Sky Dolly

On the up: Bubblegum Martinis
On the down: Getting back to work
Okay, so I admit it. I can't stop talking about myself. The 14 hour break was long enough and now I'm back. Did you miss me? Yes, I thought you did.
Am so trying to procrastinate from writing this article. It was a fun interview with a bunch of fun artists but I am SO not able to put anything together and it's due like NOW. Bleah. It's been two hours and I've only written 500 words. Pithy!
Went out to dinner with my leeettle cousin Jason and his oh-so-glamorous girlfriend Karen and scoffed the BEST burger, EVER. And then had a bubblegum martini that really did taste like bubblegum - the alcohol didn't make me feel ill but the liquid, melty overdose of Sugar In A Glass sure did.
Then we fiiiiiiiiiiiinally made it to the Sky Bar @ Trader's Hotel (being like, the last people in the whole city who haven't been) which is bootiful but damn bloody hot. I even bothered to shave my legs last night and made an effort to match my bra to my top so it wouldn't look kooky, but it ended up just being too damn hot to do anything except lie on the couch and languish like Phaedra.

We did have a nice view in the corner though (as a trade off for any lack of ventilation) which made me proud to be Malaysian. If anyone knocks KL, they're in trouble!

And they have pink menus which sort of redeemed the whole stuffy heat thing a bit for me. Here’s Miin and Loo Guat showing off the pinkness.

Just realised yesterday that I’ve known Miin for 20 YEARS which suddenly made me feel old as a rock for being alive long enough to know someone for two decades. (PS isn't her vintage dress Just So Cute)

Loo Guat struck a very slouchy glamglam model-like pose, without even intending to.

Then JJ and BenBen turned up. Huzzah! I always feel like a dork around Ben because he’s done a million things in his wee life and now he’s all just zen and cool and laidback and “yeah baby, been there, done that.” Either he’s just a very collected, zen dude, or he’s bored, and I’m always worried it’s the latter because he keeps so quiet all the time.

I reeeaaally want a big brother like him though because he’s so damn nice all the time and always ready to give you a hug and listen to all your problems, no matter how shitty *muaks* So I manja a bit lah.

Then he decided he would try to errrr... give the KL tower (which you can’t really see here, sorry for my shit photography) a handjob . He did the whole action soooooo well, it worries me slightly hmmmm

What a natural! And he looks so happy too!

What is it about boys’ bums that are so appealing?

JP turned up with a bevy of beautiful girls the kind that I have lifelong love-hate relationships with… which means I hate them because they’re so prettteeee but would so love to look like that. Turns out one of them, Charlene, is a celebrity! - one of the city’s top ten most glamourous people, according to one of the magazines (I forget which…)

Isn't it nice to have a celebritee on Dolly blog!

Later, I heard them saying she weights 40kg which just made me feel even more like a boat than I already did in my horrid PMS water-retained state. I think my left leg probably weights more than 40kg and here was a whole entire being who weighed that!

There was also this cute boy there so I perasaan-ly went up and asked him if he was gay. He wasn’t but nowadays I don’t really believe what people say (just in case, so you don’t get any hopes up) He had neat glasses that are like mine and a t-shirt that said “today is going to be a better day” though I couldn’t really figure out what the point of a statement like that was?

He was sitting with a girl called Chereen (so confuzzling - Chereen, Charlene... I had to keep checking their name cards to figure out who is who).

There was also a girl there called Esme (short for Esmeralda) who I also loved to hate cos she was sooo pweetty and I felt like a donkey next to her. Later, I said to her, "Hey, it's Esmeralda isn't it? Like the gypsy from Notre Dame" which is TOTALLY a compliment coming from me since I've always wanted to be a gypsy and loveloveloved that book and think Esmeralda is 19th Century Literature's Most Beautiful Woman (and she's kind, too, for loving Quasimodo). But Esme didn't look very impressed that I had just called her a gypsy.

We got kicked out at 1am which really distressed me because it was so early. Half of everyone decided to go home so the rest of us - JP, his bevy of women and a Dolly - went down Asian Heritage Row where everything had gone also into REM sleep. I wanted to jump out onto the pavement and stomp my feet and cry.

I was chatting crap all the way home in the car and Esme kept asking me in a really polite lovely way to stop talking in English because all the smut coming out of my mouth was bound to shock Chereen's driver into resignation, or something. But I don't speak Cantonese lah, what to do. I tried to shut up butbutbut couldn't. Chereen looked a bit bewildered, Charlene was nice enough to laugh with me, and JP sat up front trying very quietly to ignore me.

Now, the day after, I feel really ridiculous.

How shaming. I really must learn how to behave. Next time I go out, I'm only going to talk about what kind of makeup I use and how I used to play the piano, like a proper little lady.

Dolly on a break

...on a break from myself! Am getting much too self-obsessed of late! Be back soon xoxox

PMS Dolly

On the up: The Pill
On the down: Being off it

The nice thing about being on the Pill is having no PMS. Ever. Oh yah, and you get rid of that almighty fear of having babies. urgh.

Everything sucks since I've been off it, and all the nasty PMS symptoms are back, like that wanting to throw up every time I eat something. Something is up with that - there's definitely something wrong when I stop wanting to eat.

The only times I ever not want to eat is when I'm:

really depressed
really happy
in love

*tries to figure out which one it is*

Thought I should try to force myself to the pool for a swim. Jumped into my pink bikini and realised I probably look like a man in drag (been watching too much Connie and Carla) what with the distinct lack of waist and flat chestedness. Hope I don't scare off any kiddies at the pool.

And then am off to eat and drink (No Chivas! No red wine!) and be a jolly Dolly again tonight. yay! Spent last night at home being angelic and doing nothing more adventurous than watch TV. So YSG, I know, but if I have to do that again tonight

Chivas Dolly

On the up: Doing things you wouldn't normally
On the down: Chivas

I think if I didn't go out last night I would be bald from tearing out my hair from boredom.

Fortunately, work things lead to play things. Had to go sort out some stuff for a fundraiser we're organising so when I got home I rang JP to update... only to find out that he was already out drinking (it was only 4pm!) and asked he I would like to come along. I dee-d and dumm-ed and wondered if I should.

DollyMummy, who overheard the conversation went into a flap. She got real paranoid about me drinking and smashing up the car/ running over a pedestrian / getting caught at a road block, fined RM1000 and chucked into lockup.

I said, "Aiyah, I'll drive reeeeeaaaally slowly okay."

She said, "Yes, you might drive slowly but other crazy drunk people might not! And it's CNY you know! Lots of crazy drunk people on the road!"

It went on and on and on, and JP kept ringing to ask, "Have you left you? Are you coming? What are you doing? Why aren't you coming yet? Chin Li's asking where you are." He's such a real naggy woman lah, that one.

I decided to just leg it out of the door when nobody was looking.... and sped my way to Alexis.

And then proceeded to drink two lychee martinis without food which made me feel very silly.

(Aunty) Chin Li was also there and this girl called Andrea who I have apparently met before but couldn't, on my life, remember. She has the BEST hair though and this very expensive looking but scary snakeskin bag that nobody wanted to touch.

We started talking about sex and JP said, "Why don't you just go to a bar, pick up someone and have sex with them then? You're desperate right?"

Like gee. I have standards, you know! Andrea and I tried to explain to him that it didn't work like that, and that it's much nicer if you actually knew that person a little bit, and had some sort of closeness to begin with. It's more intimate lah!

Being a typical man, he didn't understand and thought we were being difficult.

At some point, somebody decided to go karaoke. I hate karaoke and haven't done it since I was 18 when I was unwillingly dragged kickingandscreaming. But okay, two lychee martinis had made me think it would be bearable.

If was, of course, just as bad as I remembered it being 7 years ago except it was magnified this time round because JP can actually sing and makes tonedeaf monsters like me feel about this small.

There was a horrid bottle of Chivas there and I protested and screamed and wanted to cry because I hate Chivas and wanted vodka. Somebody nice bought me a vodka but then I finished it and JP kept trying to convince me to drink Chivas by masking it in lots of Coke (it doesn't work).

He said, "You know, all the cool girls are drinking hard liquor now!" which is soooooo something a they would say for a documentary warning kids on the perils of peer pressure.

But Dollies are wary of strange boys at strange hours of the night so I said, "Yes, well I'm not like all the other girls, am I!"

Then he told me that I'm like Charlotte Church on the outside but Madonna on the inside. I couldn't figure out if he meant:
1) sweet little darling angelic singer, aged 12 vs crazy, slutty 1980s Erotica Madonna


2) Charlotte, aged 18, getting thrashed all over the tabloids for being a major drunkhard vs zen yoga, motherly, wifely Madonna of Now.

Okay anyway. Longstoryshort, I ended up drinking the bloody Chivas (oh, I so caved into peer pressure, aged 25) and..... singing really bad songs in a really bad way.

Then JP gave me a very long talk about something Deep and Philosophical but by then, all I wanted to do was laugh at everything he said. Now I feel bad because he was really trying to tell me about something special and I so should have done the Respect Your Elders thing, especially since it was new year's and all that.

Finally rolled home at 2am only to find my father in the living room with his old buddy drinking and smoking really bad cigarettes.

He said, "So did you have fun at the karaoke?!"

I suddenly became very aware of my bright red face. I said, "Eerrrr I think I drank too much Chivas."

He said, "Chivas! That's what we've got here now! Would you like some more?!" which made me want to throw up over my mother's newly upholstered cushions.

Drunk Dolly

On the up: JP
On the down: JP

I hate JP for making me drink Chivas and making me so drunk.

Dumbed down Dolly

On the up: Good writing
On the down: Degenerating...

Because I'm so very bored this evening, I decided to traipse back to the world of my old blog and read all the wonderful things I had to say about the world then. (Some of you might remember it? It caused such a stir, I even got hate-comments for it!)

See, I've been getting compliments about DollyGirl and my head's been getting a bit big and floaty, so just to make myself feel even more RAH about How Fantastic My Blogging Is, I thought rereading things from 3 years ago might be fun.


when I did revisit the blog and start reading, I got horribly shocked at just how much better my writing was then, than it is now.

Ironic, really, since I had thought it was being too up-myself and intellectual at the time and so killed it off to start a new blog that would be a bit more dumb. Now I realise it's all gone a bit wrong, and instead I've totallycompletelyutterly dumbed myself down over the last year. Can't write a proper sentence now, least of all one that sounds remotely as poetic as I could conjure up before.

Poor stupid me.

Anyway, all you newbies to DollyGirl shan't get the link to The Other One because now that I've realised how stoopid I've become, I'm not very well going to point you towards something that will only highlight the degeneration of my brain capacity, am I?! (I can only be bribed with lots of Amaretto and lemon if you really want to read it).

On the upside though, I'm now also writing for Notes from Venus which was recently started by some of my favourite people in KL. Go read, support, comment and talk about it; or I'll hurl my slippers at you.

Bored Chinese Dolly

On the up: Feeling festive
On the down: Boredom

Since our family has their reunion thingy as lunch instead of dinner, the new year's eve evening was left a big blank empty space.

After many weeks of running around and parties and going out every night, this Nothing-To-Do thing is

There's nobody around, nothing to do and I'm so damn bored!!! *cries*

Dumbass Dolly

On the up: The fashion world
On the down: Being a dumbass

Why does it seem that the whole of KL is filled with Penang people who have suddenly all run away for the CNY? I think I can count the number of people I know who are from KL on one hand! It's like the whole entire little island has transported itself into KL - absolutely e-ver-ree-boh-dee I know is from Penang, and they've all sodded off back home so now I have no friends left for the holidays :( Poor lonely Dolly.

Anyway, just before the city goes to sleep under red lanterns, drunk from too many oranges, I was asked to cover a behind-the-scenes story on a cover shoot for a Very Fabulous Magazine.

So I dragged myself out of bed today after a mere four hours of sleep and drove my clever self to the studio at Jalan Imbi, proceeded to get very lost and pissed off lots of cars from my slowing-down-and-staring type of female-driving.

I got there in time to see the cover girl being made up and dolled by a Very Diligent Makeup Artist. Turns out that the cover girl was Somebody Famous but I had no idea who she was, not even after they told me who her name was. Like, damn. I wouldn't know a celebrity if they came up and slapped me.

The dress they used was fantastically couture and had heaps of organza and netting which always just makes me
jump around
and twirl.

I didn't get to wear it of course and probably couldn't get into it even if I wanted to.

Somebody Famous looked amazing in it though and the dress gave her super cleavage which made me very jealous for What I Cannot Have. And the pictures were just so. damn. good. Who needs Vogue when you can have front covers like this one!
So fun.
So fancy.
So gorgeous.
So indulgent.
So pretty.
So fashion.
So froufroulala.
So statement.

I was so not in an interviewy mood having had not enough sleep and feeling flustered from the heat and traffic. But the Celebrity Stylish was ever charming and had lots of very clever and exciting things to say which made it very easy for me not to have to ask any questions.

When I tried to speak to the makeup artist he just didn't want to entertain my questions because he was trying to perfect eyeshadow colours and all I kept doing was ask him silly things about beauty trends. He just looked at me really exasperated, and said, "For me, it's about making her beautiful." Like, d'oh.

In between, there was a photographer going around taking random photos of everything going on Behind The Scenes.... which means there is now a memory card somewhere in KL with really UGLY photos of me. I grabbed whatever the first things I saw lying about this morning, wore the ugly set of glasses that make me look like an outdated hippie, and didn't bother with hair wax - so I looked about as appealing as an old makeup brush.

SO not the sort of look to turn up in for a morning with a fashion stylish, a fashion editor, a fashion designer, a makeup artist, several very important people in the fashiony world and a gorgeous celebrity that would equally as good in a couture dress as she would in a paper bag.

And there are now photos to document the comparative ugliness of it all.

There was a big red couch in the studio so after I had dogged and harrassed everyone with my fascinating and highly intellectual questions, I decided I would go sit and wait and talk to the stylist's very interesting manager while they were shooting Somebody Famous. I think it's the very same couch that I have back at home (Ikea lah, can be found everywhere) so I got really comfortable, took off my slippers, crossed my legs up and tried to talk myself into staying awake.

Then it was time to go so I pulled myself off the couch, waved to everyone, got kissed (on both two) by important people and left.

As I was circling through that immense constipation that plagues the Imbi area, the Celebrity Stylist called me and said, "My deaarrr... you forgot to interview the photographer. And he's the most important person because without him there wouldn't even be a bloody photograph!"

Uh oh.

THE BIG FAT SHAME. Just oh-so-not-professional.

I said, stupidly, "Oh.... yah hor..." which of course just made me sound even more stoopid. I'm such a dumbass I couldn't even find something good to say to cover my own ass. I just guilelessly confessed to my Big Fat Shaming Error.

Celebrity Stylist was wonderfully sympathetic though and said he would send me over the photographer's number so I could speak to him by phone. But still...

My brains have obviously gone on holiday before the rest of me has.

Late nights with a Rinpoche

On the up: Guru devotion
On the down: Not being as devoted as you could be...

We spent 10 hours last night with Rinpoche, in a fantastic teaching all about Guru devotion and what it really means to change for the better. Okay, so I’m a loooong way off from getting anywhere near what Rinpoche is or what he talks about, but at least I now have direction, okay? Not completely a lost cause.

After the main teachings ended at 2am (!), a few of us stayed back to talk to him about new writing projects… amongst other things *cough*

Kelvin, the newest writer to join KMP was sitting behind me, and Rinpoche asked me to scoot over otherwise Kelvin would be checking me out.

I said, “But he’s married!”

Rinpoche said, “So?”

I protested, so The Angel, “He’s married lah, so why would he be checking out my ass?!”

Rinpoche just gave me this look, and I went "Errrr..." to which Rinpoche said, "Yah, that shut you up real fast didn't it?!"

Later, we got back onto the subject about me errr... swapping molecules of spit with Kennie. (The licking episodes were raised many times throughout the evening and JP is now called LickyLicky. Gives a whole new meaning to LL Cool J, dun it? hehe)

Rinpoche asked, "Did your tongues actually touch?"

Shaming! Having your Guru ask you if you were actually gross enough to stick out and touch your tongue with Some Random Guy.

I confessed lah, what to do.

Rinpoche then said, "BUT KENNIE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!" (with verbal caps-lock turn on). "So what was all that about Kelvin being married and not checking out your ass?!"

Okay, that shut me up real fast too, so I just didn't say anything else all night.

Later, we played the Pick Game, which is where we're given two really disgusting horrible scenarios to Pick from, and we HAVE to pick one. Okay, it sounds dumb, but when you have Rinpoche about the pick options are never easy and it's so much fun to watch Pick victims squirm.

He asked Joe, "Pick. Do one person in this room, or [another person who's name we shan't mention]"

Susan was sitting next to Joe grinning really really really wide with her big mouth, like, "Pick me! Pick me!" Funny, especially as she doesn't even like boys and her girlfriend is sitting there.

Joe looked real uncomfortable, and he fidgeted and tried to look away and evade and hide behind Nothing At All. We all
and then

he said realllly quietly after a really big loud resigned sigh, "Okaaaaaaaaaaay. Paris."

So of course everyone jumps up and down and pulls faces and goes "Paris?!?!?!"

I gave him a look, and the bugger goes, "Yalah, I mean, there's no other choice right?" like I was a monster! Was that a compliment to me? Or an insult to everyone else in the room?

Oh dear, I've just realised that this whole entry has ended up being about boys again.... even when talking about Gurus and spiritual practice!

Well hey, I figured we talked about Dharma all night... and afterwards everyone always discusses the important Dharma stuff anyway, so I'll report the other stuff lah! *can justify anything*

I did think of starting a Dharma blog and writing my Very Important Realisations in there instead but then realised that it probably wouldn't end up having very much in it at all... so I killed the idea the very minute it was conceived. You get to read nonsense here instead. Bleah.

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Dolly dreams

On the up: Nice dreams
On the down: Being ill

I just want to write in my blog all day instead of editing our newsletter (it's called no more caves, gettit? haha) but now I know Joe knows about this blog so I can't hide anymore. meh.

Now I'm ill and have a throat infection, which hurts *cries*

When I told my mother, she said, "See lah! Lick some more boys lah, then you get germs!"

I said, "How you know boys got germs?"

She said, "Yah! Of course they have germs lah!" and gave me this look like I was stupid that I didn't know that. "Boys are made of snails and puppy dog tails all these gross things so of course they have germs!"

Then the maid said, "See lah, drink some more red wine lah! Ah yah."


The upside of being ill and not sleeping for twodaysstraight is that I slept last night for 8hoursstraight, which like, never, evereverever, happens.


I had lots of nice dreams. And ever since I watched Disney's Cinderella when I was a little girl, I've believed in not telling people your dreams if you want them to come true. And I'm sure as hell gonna keep my big enormous mouth shut about this one because it
Mary Poppins
(and didn't even involve sex!
errrr... not that everything should revolve around sex *looks up at the ceiling*)

Then I woke up away from nice dreams and happy thoughts to a sore throat and runny nose.

Sleepy Dolly

On the up: Sleep
On the down: Red wine

So I found out later in the day that I wasn't the only one who felt sick from that gross wine. Lots of other people felt like throwing up and couldn't sleep so I'm guessing that pissed off waiters snuck in lots of dodgy pills into it or something grrrrr

Good news is that I don't blame Rudy anymore.

Spent the whole day feeling like death on a stick and had to do an interview with feng shui master, Yap Cheng Hai in the afternoon. He kept telling all these crazy stories that my fuzzy head just couldn't handle.

And then I had to go to tsok in the evening, where I fell asleep halfway through mantras. Isn't that just quite disgraceful?

It was soooo because of that crap wine! Even the cheap stuff we used to drink in university that came in box wasn't this bad.

On the up though, I found out that someone had asked Mama Jenny (BiBi's mother) if I was a lesbian. People seem to ask that about me all the time and I find it fascinating because all I do 98% of the day is think about boys (whether I'm single or not). I also find it a complement somewhat, although I can't quite figure out why.

So then Bibi tried to convince me today that I was a lesbian.

I said, "But I don't want to be a lesbian."
So he's all, "What's wrong with being a lesbian?!"
I said, "Nothing, but I just prefer C**K!" (battery operated ones don't count).

It's all starting to go a bit twisted isn't it. So many people think I'm a lesbian, and I'm consistently falling in love with all these gay men. Heterosexuality doesn't seem to factor very strongly in my life. Dear Vajrayogini, please introduce me to just ONE straight man if only to know that they exist.

So damn irritated that I just keep meeting gay men and then developing infatuations. The other day, I was out for dindin with old friends and one of them brought along this super cute twinkie looking boy. I found him so adorable that the first and only logical question to ask him was if he was gay. Of course he said no lah, but they all do.

If the next hot guy that comes along (or the next hot guy I deem gorgeous) is actually straight, I'll stop wearing pink forever.

Okay, that's it. I'm not going to talk about boys anymore for the rest of the week. REALLY.

Dionysian Dolly

On the up: Wedding parties!
On the down: Sunday night

Warning: This is a ridiculously, tiringly long post. If you end up wasting time reading it instead of doing Other Important Things, that's your fault for not manging your time properly!

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a lady in Kechara House called Krsytal. She is THE MOST ADORABLE SUGARPLUM FAERY and had a daughter who decided to get married.

So there was a wedding party and everyone at KH was invited. Huzzah! Party! Time to slut up and party down :)

(okay, enough about Krsytal, let’s talk about me now)

Earlier in the day, Beach – the best shop this side of the Equator – had their opening party in Bangsar Village II. Everyone HAS to go there and buy something if not I cannot be your friend.

So I rocked up and die-die was determined to go shopping. So I did, and even bumped into Chin Li and JP there. Chin Li is the only person over 40 who looks like she’s 27 and she is as desperate to put on weight as I am to lose it. She’s a hoot and I love her all the more because she bought something from Beach too. JP didn’t although he picked up this cigarette holder that said FUCK PARENTAL ADVISORY and held it up to show me.

I said, “Eewwwww, that is so something a 14-year-old would have.”

He said, “Yah but it’s so you!!!!!!” Whatever that is supposed to mean for an innocent, well-behaved girl like me! Hmph!

Then I went for tea with Chin Li who told me all about how some 23-year-old guy is trying to ask her our. I was like, “Errr why not?” She’s like, “Because I’m 41!” I’m like, “errr yah, but you look 27!”

Anyway, suddenly it was 5.30 and the Krystal’s daughter’s wedding dinner was starting at 6.30.


I rushed back as quick as my the crap traffic around Bangsar would let me, ran up the stairs and into the shower. My legs were so hairy they would have scared off even the Orang Asli village heads, and I didn’t think to assault the poor guests so I had to shave them. (Dear Buddha, why lah do girls have to have body hair?!)


Even with time constraints, I managed to take a shower, shave me legs, change my outfit 4 times, choose accessories and dig my shoes out of the cupboard in under 20 minutes. The shoes have been in there so long they were starting to grow mould, and the shinyblack was well, not so shiny, not so black, and very full of damp spots.

Tough. Got to go. Thank god got driver so no need to drive. Instead, I tried to put on all my makeup with only the help of the shitty little passenger seat mirror. Of course, because I have such deft hands, I ended up getting green eyeshadow all over my face. How very Tarzan-and-Jane, if only I had left my legs unshaved.

Swung round to pick up Dory and Webbie and while waiting in the car, I tried to wipe all the green off my forehead. Then realised that my entire, giant makeup-bag full of stuff had no mascara and no eyeliner.

I rang Dory: “Can I please borrow some eyeliner and mascara?”

She said: “Errr my maid has gone out and I can’t find my makeup bag anywhere!!!!”

Okay, we finally got there and discovered we were the first 5% of people to get there. If I’d known we wouldn't start for another two hours, I could have done my makeup in front of a proper mirror and not ended up looking like a monster!


Everyone there was


But I was most definitely the most gorgeous one. The retro dress, the chicklet-earrings, the hair and the Stila makeup was killing! Lots of people told me so, so I’m not even making it up. Even Henry said so, and he owns a beauty salon and is married to one of the most beautiful people in the planet, so he knows what he’s talking about!

I ended up on the best table in the entire place. Really. Trulymadlydeeply everyone wanted to come and schmooze with us all night. We were like flypaper. Whoever said being young and beautiful doesn’t count is wrooooooooong because it was a table full of the young and the very beautiful and darling, everyone wanted to sit with us.

Later, Ben told me he really wanted to sit at our table, because he was stuck with a bunch of people who gobbled up every dish and didn’t leave him with enough to eat all night. Poor dude. So should have come sit with us. He’s one of the Beautiful People too so it was weird that he was stuck somewhere else. Boooo!

Is it just me, or does Zen Ben look a bit terrified to be standing next to me?

I got to sit next to Shin. And just for the record I love Shin to bits but I also hate her just that little bit because she has big boobs, nice legs and hair fit for a Rejoice advert:

Superlong fabulous hair that she's always swishing about like they do on teevee. What shampoo you use lah, Shin?

So I attempted to take a photo with her, hoping that the goodness might rub off (it didn’t, obviously).

Shin is soooo wearing cute pink makeup that looks like that new Barbie line that MAC has. And okay, why does my head look about twice the size of Shin's?!

Kennie came reaaaally late because he was getting his hair cut. How much of a woman does that make him sound like? He was being very sociable today though, and even wore a shirt with butterflies. So the Social Butterfly.

Kennie never wears anything other than beige workshirts so this. is. amazing.

I was also sitting next to JJ who was feeling very subdued today. The crazy nutter has had a fever for THREE WEEKS and only just decided to go to the doctor today because I FORCED HIM (so The Bodhisattva I am). So he was on antibiotics and couldn’t drink. Poor kesian baby lah. Look how sad he looks.

"I really want to drink and party but I caaaaaaaaaaan't. Boooo."

But Shin decided she would tart up like a kinky secretary with Kennie’s glasses and went to slut up to him (not that he would be remotely turned out by either her boobs, legs or Rejoice hair):

Shin looks as red as the wine bottles so probably didn't notice that JJ STILL wasn't a happy camper.

Across the table was JP, who, I hate to admit it, looked so good I could have eaten him with a spoon. He is now, he professes, the Number One Fan of my blog (out of like the grand total of six who are actually reading it) and kept calling me Dolly all night.
“Hey, so what do you think of this, Dolly?”
“Let’s see what Dolly has to say about this.”
“Hey, Dolly!”

If he is not straight, all the straight girls are going to cry so much into their handbags, they’ll get carried away in a Pool of Tears like in Alice in Wonderland.

Anyway, along came Maple, the Syrup Girl after her err…. xth glass of wine (lost count even before the starters came) and JP decided he would try to snog her, even though her husband was standing, like, right there.

Damn perasaan or what!

Anyway, Maple set the precedent because after that, that seat became The Hot Seat. Since nobody was sitting in it (somebody failed to turn up), JP and Kennie made sure someone did, and then proceeded to harass them. Some of them seriously did not think it was becoming to have JP and Kennie’s tongues plastered against their faces…

Wendy protests: "Lemme go! lemme go! Eewwwwww! You boys are grrrrooooosssss!"

Bonita wonders how the hell she got herself into THIS predicament. "What the fuuuuuck?" (except Bonita doesn't really speak like that)

But some of them SURE LOVED IT!

Krystal looks like she's being put through some frightening roller-coaster. Isn't she just so cute?!

Webbie was wearing a dress that showed off her boobies... so, JP gives us a preview.

Oh, Ruby was just LOVING IT!!!!!!!!! (And note her kitschy Rainbow Brite dress *loves*)

At some point, between all the lecherous antics, I noticed that Kennie has this extraordinarily long tongue, which is really good for…errr…well….ok, never mind. His girlfriend sure is lucky though *cough*

Then half way through between the fish and the noodles, evil Rudy with the most Outrageous Shiny Wardrobe managed to convince me to down my horrible glass of wine. I have officially decided Red Wine is FOUL and only for geriatrics. If I ever have a wedding, no one is allowed to drink any alcohol except martinis. I will throw a tantrum if I see a Red Wine Bottle.

This is Rudy, who was wearing glittery eyes on his shirt, and who made me drink yukky red wine.

I went for a timeout at his table because it was the quietest one in the whole place (there were only 5 of them there). And he said to me that he thinks I live a really interesting life. I was thinking "Uhhh.... if you see all the nonsense I spend my time on, you won't think so anymore!" But instead I just gave him a confused look.

He said, "Yah, really. You're very unique!"

That's the second time someone's said that to me this week. WTF! Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing? It's like when they talk about mice which scientists use to harvest ears and random body parts on. They say, "What a unique case." It's a nice way of saying you're a bloody weirdo!

Anyway, Rudy's red wine made me really grumpy and sleepy and I wanted to just curl up under the table and go to sleep. So I sat there and looked glum and felt as subdued as my mother would like me to be. JP started again with the Dolly stuff: “But Dolly isn’t allowed to be sleepy!!” Pfft.

So what to do? The only way to wake myself up is boys lah. So I put myself in the Hot Seat, and my, don’t we look gorgeous!

Hedonism! (PS I wasn't the one who pulled down my own sleeve, okay. I'm not THAT much into myself!)

Then Shin and I ran around harassing boys (aw c’mon, they loved it!)

Paul has the nicest skin EVER and I want to lick his cheek!

As if! If David is straight, I'll become an accountant for a living.

I have never seen anybody look so so so indulgent about anything!

Shin turned it up a notch and transformed into The Ultimate Tease. She SO was a Shanghainese go-go girl in her last life and Kennie must have been a serial womaniser. Why else would it all look Just So Natural...

This is SO the Patrick Swayze Dirty Dancing kind of pose except well, we get to see Kennie instead of Patrick. And see what I mean about Shin's nice legs?! Such a teeeeeeease!

Okay, I wanted to play too... Poor JP (or not, as is the case). There's just so much leg everywhere!

Kennie stomped around after like a small child, saying over and over, "It's not fair! He got two! I only got one!"

It wasn’t a wedding anymore, it an internal party. People weren’t just letting their hair down. They were tearing it out and running around like Dionysian maenads! (for you unliterary plebs, read the link).

So not holy.

But so much fun!

Poor Krystal’s daughter must have wondered what the hell happened, and why The Most Important Day of her life was being trampled on by these very strange people.

We MADE the wedding what it was though and soon everyone was up and dancing around the carpet. Even Krystal got down and boogied!

Seeeee, she is the Ultimate Sugar Plum Faery.

Oh yah, see... this is Sio Chian before the dinner when it was all decorum and dining. So refined, so relaxed, so see-mun.

And this is her, five hours later, looking reaaaaally groovy, baby!...

Anyway, it's been 10 hours and I still feel sick from the red wine which made me not sleep all night (I'm going to get you, Rudy!). Today, I so much to dooo and all I want to do is stay in bed, have sex (it's been a while *rolls eyes*), watch trashy teevee and Hermione Lee's Virgnia Woolf biography. I hate the days after parties. *needs a holiday*

And I have spent bloooooody ages writing this post and posting all the pix up and now I'm even further behind in all my work and Joe and JP are going to scream at me for being so unfocused *cries* so you all better leave me some nice comments at least!

PS despite all the questionable behaviour, I'm still a good girl, I am!

Vodka Dolly

On the up: Vodka!
On the down: How it impairs your senses

I really want to write a long long blog but I'm soooooo sleepy. Went to a Focus Point party thing (okay, I have absolutely no idea what the event was, but the fabulous William invited me there with the bribe of (free) pink drinks. How not to go?).

I was hungry so gulped down two drinks quickquick to stave off hunger pangs which was stupid because of course, that would just make me drunk (on an empty stomach) and even more hungry.

I dragged JJ and his HOT STRAIGHT (yes, you read it right - straight!) friend out to eat supper. JJ and I talked about boys the whole night long until I finally had to say to his friend, "Oh dear, it's a bit sad that we keep talking about boys isn't it? You must think we're really pathetic."

To which he answered, "Well, I guess it's not really my business..." which is probably worse than if he had just said, "Yes! You're sad!"

I have pictures but cannot be bothered to upload until later because I hate wires and fiddly things.

Actually, Ben KoKo invited us round to his place to keep him company while he did his endless pile of work, and I was soooooooooo tempted because hanging around Ben is like being around a waterfall - it totally relaxes all your muscles and makes you want to go curl up and go to sleep.

But okay, I had to be logical at least once this week. I thought: Still have work to do at home, tomorrow have to volunteer at the Dharma shop all day, and then go to yoga (and wouldn't want to be falling asleep in yoga!), and then dinner, and drinks.

A girl needs her energy, so she must conserve it, give BenBen a miss and go home.


So I came home and wrote a proposal for this mad party that we're doing. JP has decided to call it "Let's Get Outrageous" which is so campy it almost sounds like something in a Pride parade. Let's hope nobody else notices. Heck, he's even managed to get us a venue that's a club.

He rang me up: "Guess what?! The people have agreed to give us their club instead of just their restautant for the dinner. AND GUESS WHAT?.......

......I saw that they have THREE POLES!!!"

Which is probably apt since he was already talking about getting people to poledance for charity this afternoon. Damn, he's got this pole fetish! Let's get HIM up there on a pole - three, in fact.

Anyway, fuck me if I know the first thing about writing a proposal. REMEMBER, anything remotely serious sends me into permanent anxiety.

But I'm a hard working Dolly so I bashed it out under the influence of vodka (why does it take such an extraordinarily long time to get out of my system!). Type type type. Dory read it, corrected my bad spelling and said it was fine.


So hah! Who said a lightweight like me can't drink vodka and write proposals all in one night?

3pm Dolly

On the up: Blogging!
On the down: Feeling far too self-involved

Alright, I really outdid myself today - I slept until 3pm... but err, in my defense, I was working until late! And then spent the rest of the day being busy and getting more work done!

(So who cares what time I go to sleep or wake, so long as deadlines are met, damnit!)

Okay, so I've done all I needed to do including MORE TRANSCRIBING (if Joe says "Can you do another transcript" I'm going to poke out his eyes) and as a reward, I've turned on Gwen Stefani, am drinking eat and eating pineapple tarts and blogging.

The other day Wendy, (who has the biggest, cleverest and more intricate brain for someone that small) asked why people write blogs. As she is the very intelligent sort of person, asking that question sort of necessitated an intelligent answer. I thought very hard of something intellectual to say but couldn't.

So I just told her that I do it because I love attention and am narcissistic and self-involved. I felt a bit stupid boasting about something that doesn't particularly require any modicum of skill at all, because Wendy is like super-girl and has this amazing ability of organising the most complicated problems into a nice, pretty, pink list of easy-to-read points for even the dumbest of dumb-dumbs like me.

Anyway, I've been doing some fashion pages for a new magazine and randomly chose to feature this leather handbag that, quite frankly, doesn't look anything special at all... In fact, it's bloody boring but costs RM73,000! I don't even earn that much in the whole year and someone would spend that on an ugly bag?! And then carry it around?! Pay me also I dowan!

DollyMummy's friend bought me a new handbag today though and even though I'm sure it don't carry a 5 digit price tag, it is soooooooooooooooo much cuter:

So all those dumbass Datins with no personality and absolutely no original style can kiss my pink bottom.

Incidentally, the Dolly bag, matches my Dolly purse (it's tatty because I've had her for years and years)....

and my recently acquired pink rubber Dolly shoes which smell of strawberry!

Anyway, just to try to be a serious, I went to a meeting at the centre today and tried to look attentive since I had to do the minutes (I don't know how head from my arse, so writing something important and serious like minutes makes me want to cry!).

We were talking about fundraising again which scares me (and also makes me want to cry). I'm so bad at convincing anyone to dish out money, I don't think I would even be able to sell myself if I had to! So my tiny little smidgen of contribution to getting $$$$ is in trying to organise a photography exhibition, profits of which would be Funds Raised, ta-da!

My piddly little attempt to be artistic, lofty AND make lots of cash for the sake of Enlightenment.

THEN, JP said he knows someone who's bringing in My Fair Lady and have offered to do a charity night with us so hurray lots of money for us without having to do anything except shove tickets in people's faces and threaten... I mean, encourage them to buy.

JP told us the whole plan and Dory and I got so happy, we started singing Eliza Doolittle songs nobody seemed amused though, nor even slightly excited at the prospect of singing along to campy songs.

Then Margaret, who is so pretty it makesmesick, said, while looking at a bunch of printouts JP had passed around about the production, "Hey, this fair lady is a bit FAT isn't she?" which is soooo not a fair thing for her to say since she has The Perfect Figure. Of course lah, she looks fat! Anyone bigger than Margaret, or who has a lopsided belly or something is gonna look fat!

Well anyway, JP is my new favourite hero (it changes every month). He really knows the whole wide world. Earlier in the meeting, he told he knew someone who was a fire consultant, who he would talk to about some fire escape regulation... Then he told us about his friend who owns a marble store, who would help us tile our new centre... Then he told us about person he knew who is doing the My Fair Lady thing... Then he told us about another friend who brings in international acts into KL...

This is on top of the contacts he has for making Buddha statues, the whole singing population of KL, his celebrity friends and all his friends in every industry imaginable from food, to fashion, to tile making. He is a walking yellow pages and when you are talking to him, you feel about THIS SMALL but at the same time also VERY SPECIAL that you get to be friends with him.

(I know he reads this blog now so since I have to work with him so much lately, I thought I should layan a bit lah, okay...)

Also, since I slept until forever today, I thought I should go to the gym and make up for the laziness by torturing myself as best I can.... which worked because I felt like death on that EVIL stepper!

Then as I was doing my stretches, I looked up and saw a BodyStep class going on which made me

since I haven't been to Bodystep for a whole loooooong year now!

So there I was doing my stretches with my head craned up to look at the backsides of everyone in the class. I ain't that out of it yet - I can still figure out what track they're doing from looking at them hopping up and down. Okay, lah, that's a bit sad, I admit. But I lovelovelove BodyStep and it makes me cry that I haven't done it in ages because of my crabby, old woman legs.

After the stretches, I went up and stared in the window and saw the most fabulous step instructor ever. I was infatuated a year ago (he is gorgeous and I want to eat him!) but what to do lah, he Bats For The Other Team (no surprises there); now I get my cheap thrills just by looking at him through the glass door.

Okay, so now it's 3am and after a very busy 12-hour day, I think I deserve to crawl back into my booootiful bed!

Token Straight Dolly

On the up: Being busy
On the down: Lizards!!

I think I really have to stop eating in my bedroom because now the lizards got wind of biscuit crumbs and have come a-visiting.


Am so afraid they will all come out in a huge force and attack me when I'm sleeping at night and what if one crawls up my face and into my mouth and I SWALLOW it in my sleep.

*so paranoid*

The one thing that puts me off joining something like the Amazing Race is if there were tasks that involved frogs and lizards.

It's like that evil game that Rinpoche makes us play: PICK: Touch frog, or do 27 hours of transcripts.


I have done work alll day today and I even deliberately chose NOT to go for drinks so I could sit at home and fight with my misbehaving scratchy DVD player to get a transcript done *done*

In any case, the event was yet another event for gay boys to meet other gay boys so it's just as well I missed it anyway - I would have just been taking up space!

BB keeps reminding me that I am a gay man in a woman's body. He goes, "Oh my god. You're not just a man.... you're a gay man" but he says it like it's a compliment so I don't know whether to be pleased by it or not.

Then JJ kept pointing out to me many times today that I am actually a gay man. He even sends me SMSes about it to remind me. SO need to get out of this gay circle and get a bloody straight life!! All I can think of to call myself these days is Token Straight Girl because that's really what I seem to be in every circle I end up in.

Here is a sample of the kind of rubbish that goes through my mind and screws with my fickle little pretty head. Was talking to BB online the other night and it went something like this:
nb: xxx is someone I work with

Token Straight Girl says:
u know what
Token Straight Girl says:
i'm starting to think XXX is quite cute too
Token Straight Girl says:
Phoenix says:
Phoenix says:
XXX is cute wat
Phoenix says:
i means he's gay, that already is 30% of your interest haha
Token Straight Girl says:
ew i SOOOOOOOOO did not want to fancy him
Token Straight Girl says:
but then i had this weird dream about him (nb. it's not who you think it is - I keep having dreams about all sorts of random people!)
Token Straight Girl says:
and it has screwed with my head!
Phoenix says:
your trend these days: first they irritate you
Phoenix says:
then you fight
Phoenix says:
then you "Click"
Phoenix says:
its soooo Mills and Boons, Joahanna Lindsay books


I am a Mills and Boons novel *hits rock bottom*

I'm not even really looking for some big hunky hot straight guy to pluck me off my nice little virginal pedestal (hah). But I think that you start turning into the people you hang out with (like me, straightish 100%girl-that's-not-even-slightly-a-haemaphrodite turning into 95% gay man) then it is time to take a break!

Oh but wait... William Kee just invited me to a party on Thursday where he will be mixing PINK DRINKS. How NOT to gooooo?

Kennie's big mouth

On the up: Kennie
On the down: His big mouth

Okaaaay... so Kennie was so not happy with his boooootiful face being plastered all over this pink blog. I left him a message online: "Go see your pretty little face on my blog!" and gave him the link.

The next time I logged on, there were fast and furious messages from him:
"I'm so gonna kill you! I'm going to break your head so that you're like that Vajrayogini who chops off her head and holds it up on a plate."

Charming. I give him free publicity also he dowan.

Then, I had to see him again at a meeting this evening and he decided to tell the WHOLE WORLD about my blog, so very loudly in that so very small room.

And straight away everyone was looking at me with their eyes bigbig (and JP has eyes like saucers so it can be quite scary):

"You have a blog?"
"You have a blog?"
"You have a blog?"
"Where where where?"

And soon they all had out their little notebooks so I could write the address in.

Like, OH! I felt so celebriteeeeee but also not quite because Kennie was sitting in the corner going hahahaha now everyone is gonna see all the things you've been writing, which made me very paranoid.

Anyway, we went for dinner after the meeting and Cute Innocent Pixie Wendy and I spent about half of insulting Kennie.

Then after a lot of talking and stuffffffff, I somehow ended up making a promise never to say anything mean to Kennie ever again.

HAH! Like that's gonna happen.

The Amazing Race Asia

On the up: Zabrina and Joe Jer
On the down: The race is over :(

Okay, I know this is a totally delayed reaction but I missed the first showing of the Amazing Race Asia final, having been forcedcajoledbribed to go to a meeting that day.

So I had to make do with the rerun, which was probably better as I would have probably died of anxiety if I watched it on the day itself. Knowing who won made the whole thing so much easier.


They were totally the most fun team - never had a bitch fit, always game for a challenge, and always so cute and smiley. I never felt as proud to be Malaysian (and a woman) as I was when I watch them on the race! Just realised that the acronym for The Amazing Race Asia is TARA... which may explain why an all-girl team won! hehe

Am so inspired now and sooooooooo want to go on if there's ever another season of it. This old and very favourite friend from school, Isabelle, had actually thought of both of us bumbling onto the show.

She sent a message one MSN: "Let's do the Amazing Race! Neither of us can drive stick and we horrible sense of direction, but never mind, let's do it let's do it let's do it, it'll be so funny."

I was like "Errrrrr, ummmmmm, let me think about it, no."

Next time lah.

Pot luck party

On the up: Silly people
On the down: Being on your best behaviour
I went to a house party last, last week so this blog is a bit late but never mind. Something late is better than nothing ever.
It was a pot luck party for about 30 people which meant 30 people each turned up with enough food about about 10... making it a total of enough food for about 300. We
And then everyone started being really silly.
Kennie had a bit too much to drink, I think, and started putting on his hiau face. He INSISTED on being in every photo and siddled up to everyone to be lecherous with. I mean, really, I'd never seen Kennie get along so *ahem* well with so many people at all once. Boys (and Bill Keith) also can...
... and girls also can...

Eee yer, damn sleazy lah, this shot. Poor Shin doesn't know what's really going on behind her, as she strikes this innocent, wide-eyed look.
Then he decided he wanted to be Vajrayogini (a female Buddha). Now, Vajrayogini is totally the podium-dancing striptease darling of all Buddhas and looks like this:
And err... Kennie looks like this:
It is SO wrong, isn't it? hehe
Then someone said we should try to pose as Dzambala (Buddha of Wealth), who looks like this:

Wai Meng volunteered to pose, using Ben's poor bewildered chihuahua as a replacement for the mongoose:

We obviously didn't have anything better to do lah, that Friday night.

I spent most of the evening hanging out with JJ though, in a vain attempt to hide behind his very tall tallness to get away from certain people... It doesn't work because I'm as wide as he is tall but together, we somehow managed to avoid the people we were trying to avoid.

And I am convinced that he's actually a little 6 year old boy masquerading in a 23 year old body, like from that movie Big with Tom Hanks.

See - evidence. How many 23 year olds do you know look like they're about to burst into spontaneous song and dance any moment? Not many. But you do know many 6 year olds who would... and JJ is one of them.

He also looks remarkably like Winnie the Pooh, and I don't know if that's the more surprising fact, or the fact that he looks so damn happy to be hugging a Pooh Bear.

We ended up staying at the party until about 7am, by which time we had worked through dinner, supper, teabreaks and breakfast. Never ever eaten so much in my whole little life.

Party Dolly

On the up: Going out!
On the down: Not enough hours in the night

For the first time in a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time, I went out and had a Most Fabulous Time. Apparently, I know a damn lot of people and there's someone I know at every corner I turn.
I felt so
Girl about town!

I was feeling especially dollyglam, having made the effort to actually wear something other than my shreddy old jeans and cheapy MNG tank tops. The result was very Audrey-Hebpurn-In-The-21st-Century.

Someone random even told me they like my outfit.

Then another random person said they liked my hair and that "not many girls can carry off short hair" so I felt very special and did a mental third finger to all those girls with the long boring rebonded hair.

Then Su Ming's friend told me I had a nice ass. (Well, thank goodness for soft lighting anyway, because the power-saving florescenty rubbish in the bathroom showed enough cellulite to power a small country).

Okay, enough self-flattery. I'm starting to make myself sick.

Anyway, so I had thought to only meet up with Su Ming but she's been on a mission to take over the world lately and, I think, finally realised she needed some sleep so she went home early. But before she went, a quick see-how-gorgeous-we-are picture:

Su Ming is officially the sweetest person in the world
(even when she's cussing and downing beers like a truck driver)

When I had first got there and was wondering around in that awkward phase between Entering Bar and Finding Friends, this dude with a big camera came up to me and said, "Hey, you're Paris right!?"

I was like, "Errrrrrr....." I'd never seen him in my bloody life but he explained who he was and I was all "Ohhhh" and "Ahhhh" and felt a bit smug about myself that people I didn't know, knew me *famous! blush blush*

Then Sharon and GL came, GL in this "I am a gorgeous, slutty secretary" work outfit (and I don't meant that as an insult). Seeeeee how prim-but-not-really GL looks:

Okay, so it's the lace-ups that make her look so kinky.

But they wanted to leave real early too because Sharon had to wake up at 6am to send her kiddo to school. 6AM!!! ON A SATURDAY MORNING! Then she had to go volunteer at a cake stall for 12 hours. Here she is looking thrilled about the prospect of Very Little Sleep:

GL has this look like she wants to go hunt down men with a spear.

A Whole Bunch of Fabulous Boys were there too (okay, RM100 for anyone who can guess where I was), and everyone of them knows about 100 people within a 10metre square foot radius so that meant I got to meet all of them, shake lots of hands, smile brightly and make lots and lots of friends.... which is also handy, of course, since we're all somehow writerly and can pretend we're a very intelligent group of people in a special little writerly gathering (well, c'mon, you can't be a writer and not be pretentious about yourself!)

Gary looks like he's 18 and I ALWAYS think he's still in college. Then he reminds me he's older than me, damnit, where's the respect.

He gets totally red and cute and sleepy after one drink so it makes me look like a Strong Tough Woman being able to drink one and a half mojitos.

Then JJ came! Yay! And draped himself over Kin.

Really can't figure out who looks happier here...? (And at certain angles, this pose looks very err... spoonish?!)

Then, *I* wanted to Kodak with Kin too just because he is officially the Cutest Person Alive and was wearing a Totally Cutests Outfit Alive combo that made him look very 2007-PeterPan.

My fat face aside, all I could notice was, my, my, what a big mouth you have, Kin...
"All the better to......?"
"Hush now. Is that decent public behaviour!!?"

Oh yah, and I had only brought RM50 with me, which is dumb because cover charge alone was RM30. I was actually more mad about how dumb I was to forget to bring more $$, than the fact that I couldn't drink more. So I did my self-deprecating thing and told everyone how stoopid I was.

Actually, I just wanted sympathy and for someone to tell me I wasn't really stupid, and that they did that all the time too, but instead, everyone wanted to buy me drinks which was a bonus! At first, I was all, "No, no, no, no, don't you get it? The no-drinking thing is good for a heather feather cheapdrunk lightweight like me," but they all looked appalled that I had been drinking the SAME grapefruit and vodka for about 2 hours.

Then William (Kee) bought me a mojito and insisted I drink it. So what to do? I drink lah!

Gary stood next to me trying not to topple over, as I tried to make my mojito last another 2 hours and I spotted this guy in a white shirt who I was sure I knew. I knew his ex-boyfriend too and could even remember the exact place, time and party I had met him last.

But I have a memory like a sieve and couldn't be sure if it was really him, and the only thing about his name I could remember was that it started with S and sounded Japanesey. He kept looking over but he didn't smile even when I did. And there were only so many times I was going to try to smile at him, okay. Just in case it wasn't him, I was going to look like a dumb ass smiling smiling smiling away at some random guy.

Gary was all, "But he's so hot lar. He's so hot. He's so hot lar," and tried to get me to go find out if it was him. By the time, I decided to go say hello, White Shirt had disappeared, so I decided to go look for him.

And on the way, I found Nabila, who is apparently living in Indonesia now?!?!

We were so trying to be Paris Hilton but I think the vodka had impaired our judgement by then.

I finally found White Shirt and he was who I thought I was. Then after I found out what his name was (sooooo shaming, having to ask someone what their name is again), I realised I had uh... nothing to talk to him about.

Luckily, while talking to Shirt, Alex-from-The-Attic happened to realise that I was, in fact, standing next to him so he said hello and I had enough distraction to tide me over for a while. And then, JJ spotted someone else, so we made our excuses and left.

Many salacious secrets and guts spilled later, it was Time For Supper. Really now, supper is SO not good for weight loss ambitions and digestion blah blahs... especially not the fried oily noodle kind. Oh, but it tasted sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. And JJ got to sit next Kin which made him real happy.

And then, before you know it, the night hours are up and it's time to go home. Boo!

Dolly goes to a meeting (and gets happy)

On the up: KMP
On the down: Getting more and more work!

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I went for a meeting this evening and not only did I actually look forward to it but I actually also enjoyed it.

Me?! Enjoy a meeting? Not throw a bitch fit? Who said you couldn't gain attainments in this very lifetime.

But really, I just adorelove being in KMP with all the fabulousgorgeous people. Now there are more of us because you know, people are just so clamouring to get in. And there are adorable boys, all goofy and daft and sporting pebblesmooth skin that you just
(does that sound obscene?)

And the work is actually fun. Joe is a slavemaster, but a nice one. He's the only person in the world I know who siddles up to you when you're standing about unassumingly minding your own business and plonks a giant pile of work on you... and you thank him for it. And then spend the rest of next many daysweeksmonths feeling very, very guilty that you still haven't finished it.

Then don't forget the Very Important Fact that when the books and DVDs arrive in their perfectly wrapped brown packets, they are always ORGASMICALLY SEXY SCHMEXY.

So gorgeous boys, gorgeous books and a little bit of good karma as a bonus, what's not to love?

And oh yah, Joe bought a gigantic chocolate cakemoussefudge thing today for the meeting.

So: gorgeous books, gorgeous boys and chocolate - in whichever combination you best prefer.

Newest book is out on Feb 12 after which we are all going to have a jollydolly party of the vodka kind so we can get very happy indeed (and perhaps convince someone to let me lick their faces). The reward for hard work, of course, is the after-effects of planning How To Celebrate, and as we all know too well, the planning is always more fun than the actual.

So how now? Singing? Dancing? Wine and wooing? All three?

They are so going to kick me out of the team when they know I'm just there to perve on the opposite, inhale sugar and talk about parties.

Dolly at the attic

On the up: A social life, wheeee!
On the down: Getting too drunk, too quickly

After yet another very long 3 hours of meetings, Su Ming and I trolley dollyed our way to The Attic for martinis, and for Su Ming to meet the whole world (she really does know everybody).

Shaming, that after having been opened for so long, I've only

But wonderfully surprised in a way only excitable Dollies can be.

The bartender had very, very short hair which I would so have if my head wasn't so damn round. She asked me what I wanted so I said, "Something happy" so she made me a green martini to match my green tshirt. It was definitely a very happy drink. Halfway through and it already made my head spin. For a change, I was with Chinese people instead of those tough-ass drinking Indian girls that put me to shame.

And since alcohol makes me so hungry, I was soon pulling miserable faces for food. So Su Ming made me comfy with hot chocolate, an evil chocolate cake and, eventually, even a bowl of tortilla chip things.

Note that earlier in the day I had been a Most Healthy Rabbit, eating only brown rice, tofu, steamed corn and pak choy for dinner. I yum yum yum scoffed everything down and felt oh-so-svelte and pure. Half an hour later I was starving and digging through the Dharma centre's fridge for digestive biscuits....

And well, all the goodies at The Attic sure wrecked the Organic Baby thing, didn't it?

Anyway, back to my story of my little foray back into a social life. I realised how shut up in a shoebox I've been when I traipsed up the stairs and saw a whole bevy of young, gorgeous, fabulous people and felt rubbish about myself for not having mussed some wax into my hair or even bothered with lipgloss to cover up the rather ewwwww chapped lippies.

We shan't comment on the men as they were all, inevitably, gay. Biasa lah. Su Ming said she always seemed to end up hanging about gay men too. Between me knowing half KL's gay population, and Su Ming knowing the other half, we are most absolutely KL's biggest, brightest faghags. And don't you forget it.

I met a million people (since Su Ming is officially the whole city's friend) and even found people to talk to about cupcakes which made everyone happy (how not to be happy thinking of icing and butter?). Gee, I'd almost forgotten how nice it is to meet people other than me, myself, I and my reflection. I've been so out of it I think I may even have forgotten how to hold a proper conversation *worried*

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired and my bed is looking very white, gorgeous and cosy.


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