I'm going out tonight for a girls' night out but still feeling more-than-half guilty about it.

We're supposed to be setting up for an exhibition over the weekend so all the KMP elves are heading down to Sunway after 10 to do all the carting back-and-forth of stuff. But but but I'd made these huge plans to go out and I so so so did not want to cancel them.

So I sent this big long pleading grovelling begging message to everyone, please let me know go out tonight and I'll like, volunteer at the exhibition ALLLL WEEKEND
AND
pack up and clear up and cart things back to the office when it ends
AND
clean the office for a month
AND
AND
AND

BUT BUT

if you do still need more hands, please tell me and I will still come to help out.

There's this thing, you see, which I never thought I'd ever get: and that's that responsibility thing. It occured to me that I'm actually starting to see all this - KMP, KH and the whole big family - really as a part of me. Not going to help set up wouldn't actually be such a big deal to anyone else. Before, I would have thought, "Aiyah there's bound to be someone there who will do it" but then after a few years on a spiritual path, I suppose you do start to become a liiiiiiiittle bit more aware about other people and and liiiiiiittle bit less selfish about just fucking off and doing what you want. So I've been thinking thinking thinking 24hoursnonstop about how to make up for really fucking off tonight.

They were all lovely about it. Everyone said, "It's fine. You go ahead with your plans. It's okay wan."

Susan sent a message, "Oh my god you sure are 'trading' in a lot just for one night. haha"

I replied, "Have to have to! Takkan later I kena scolding for being selfish!!!! I don't want to be selfish so I make up for it double double okay. Seriously, is it okay or not?"

She said, "Yes it's okay. haha so funny!"

Okay, so I'm going to have a fabulous night tonight and then I'm going to work my ass, my legs, my liver, my every organ off this weekend at the exhibition. Even if I have to tie all the stock onto the roof of the matchbox car I'm now driving, I'll find a way to clear up the whole exhibition and cart it all back to Bandar Utama!