On the up: Health check ups
On the down: Seeing babies

Being the good little hypocondriac that I am, I took myself to the gynaecologist for a check up yesterday.

The first trauma: I stood on these ridiculously accurate digital scales and discovered that I have apparently put on FIVE KILOS (not possible, surely!).

Then I went in and told the doc that I'm off the pill now (because I'm guilelessly and indulgently honest like that). She goes: "So you're using condoms now?"

And I'm like, "Errrr noooo. I'm not having sex" (since I'm now single and don't quite see any possibility of sex in the near horizon since everyone I know is a woman, or a man who wants to be a woman). It sounded far, far worse when verbalised, like announcing a sort of bodily dysfunction - "I have incontinence; I have constipation; I'm not having sex" all kind of goes in the same category, no? The misery of the statement was abated only by the fact that the doc didn't bat an eyelid.

Then she did a scan on me to check some stubborn little S.O.A.B cyst that has been hanging about for years. I swear to God, when she turned on the ultrascan, I SAW A BABY.

She said, "Oh look, there's your baby!" which made me justaboutscream.

WHAT BABY?!

I did a quickquick thinkthink when it could have gone wrong between the last packet of pill and now and if I had missed anything somewhere along.

But she was kidding lah.

Aiyo, please lah, don't joke about BABIES!