Facebook Dolly

On the up: Facebook
On the down: Getting way too addicted to it

I discovered Facebook (thanks to Miin and Petya from high school) and now I

Marie (also from high school) left a message that said, "Welcome to 95% of your waking energy. Facebook shall rule your life, oh yes, it shall rule your life."

And it has.

I've found the whole world on it, and all these people I haven't seen since forever... including an ex boyfriend (who still looks just as good as he did back then), London drum'n'bass buddies, Leeds clubbing pals, and all these old friends from when I was 7.

Now I feel a lot more popular than I actually am, because suddenly there are ALL THESE PEOPLE I KNOW!

Isn't it slightly lame that I am getting so excited over an online network - goes to show just how much I love attention, in all its varied forms, and just how much of a geek I really am. See, that's why I was never that popular girl in school and it seems that not much has changed.

Anyone, join join join! www.facebook.com *muaks*

On the up: Rinpoche's entire life
On the down: Sleep deprivation

I am disgustingly busy and tired and washed-off-my-flat-feet in a way that really surprises my lazy self, but I just HAVE to blog this (PS It's taken me 3 days to write this, that's how busy!)

We had an interview session with Rinpoche on Monday night for his biography. From past sessions, we knew that this would be a very long night, so Sharon even came in her comfy sweats like she was staying over for a slumber party. Good thing she did, because we started at 8pm and ended at 11am (I still had heaps of work and meetings the day after so didn't get to sleep until 1am on Wed morning... an amazing feat for sleep-attached me)

But it was all totallycompletely100% worth it - it's crazy how much can happen in 15 hours and has this peculiar impact on me that nothing else ever comes close to. After hanging out with Rinpoche, going back to normal work and stuff feels just so ordinary and mundane and Totally Blah.

There is so much to his story that it would be impossible to get it all in one night. After the 12 hours, we had only gotten through about maybe 5% and it was already making our heads spin. You just wouldn't believe the kind of shit he went through, especially not as he's sitting 2 feet away from you radiating light and compassion and infinite joy all the time.

When I first started with Dharma, and went to Nepal with Rinpoche and some of the centre's members, we met one of Rinpoche's old friends, an old Tibetan Lama called Phutok Rinpoche who'd spent 22 years in political prison in Tibet (thanks to the charming Chinese who decided it would be fun to chuck lots of monks and nuns into jail). Phutok Rinpoche sat there in his miniscule room talking to us like yoda, full of light in his eyes and a smile as full of joy as it was of wrinkles that makes you cry into your tea.

Back then, it was inspiring and all that, but hearing Rinpoche's story caused a hundred million more sparks to light up and scream in my head. There is so much in it that would make you cry, but then you kind of realise that the whole point of it is not to cry, that you should actually be doing more for more people because you have this little magical chance right in front of you to do something that could change someone completely (and even if it doesn't, the possibility that it could becomes enough).

There's stuff in his life that scares you, saddens you, makes you laugh, makes you scream because it's so unbelievable and then, makes you want to get enlightened like RIGHT NOW because you see that it's alive and real and completely possible to get beyond where you are now.

You have GOT to buy the biography when we write it. Not because we're writing it, but because of what it will tell.

But okay, it's never just seriousness when you're with Rinpoche. A lot of it was also pick games, eating MacDonalds. Here we all are just mooching about as ladrang lounge lizards:

The pick games were especially tough this time. We established very early on that JP just Does Not Like Bill Keith, so of course, the more you dislike something, the more Rinpoche will push your buttons about it. So, just as an example, JP got to pick:

"PICK! Lick Bill Keith all over, every single crevice. Or Burn up Ben" (who was sitting right next to him)

Can you believe it. Evil JP picked to burn up Ben.

Even Sharon was made to pick. Normally, nobody touches Sharon, not even Rinpoche, because she's just so zen and wonderful about everything. But then we discovered she has a certain thing about/against a certain feng shui master. So she got to pick:

"PICK! Play spin the bottle with . Or be a car jockey and park cars all day" which is hilarious because Sharon does NOT do schleppy pleb jobs like park cars.

She picked to play spin the bottle.

I've decided that the only thing worse than having to play the pick game, is to be one of the options in the pick game because the options Rinpoche magicks out of his head are just so damn horrible. He can potentially turn anyone of us into someone else's biggest nightmare so doesn't it make sense that the only thing worse than choosing between nightmares, is to BE the nightmare?

Wonderful Jenny went out to buy MacDonalds at about 3am, and soon, with all the mooching about, we had managed to turn the ladrang into a veritable pigsty (gosh, see what the Rinpoches of the world have to put up with - sorry, Rinpoche. We did clean up after though!).

But look! Even Buddhas drink milkshakes!

Then we started talking about prostitution (it is always about sex because of the people that we always end up hanging out with). Rinpoche asked Ben how much he would charge people to have sex with him. Ben has VIRTUOUS PURE DARLING scrawled in big bold marker pen across his head and he is totally just Zen Ben all the time - all cool, and Dharma-devoted, unruffled and dressed in white - so of course, just because this question seems so totally inappropriate to him, he would get it.

He said he'd charge RM500.

So Rinpoche went around the room, "Well, how much would you charge JP?"

He said RM500.

"What about Joe?"

He still said RM500

"What about Susan? She's a girl! Women earn less than men, you got to give them a discount."

So he lowered his price down to RM400.

"What about Paris?"

(uh oh...)... but he said Rm200 and it was because he thought I was nice.

See, now I have a new way of gauging whether people think I'm nice; they'll charge me less than their usual rate to sleep with them. hah. (question is, why charge at all?! gee!)

At some point, JP opened his enormous mouth and said to Rinpoche, "Have you read Paris' blog?!"

I shot him my ugliest look and said, "You are GOING. TO. GET. IT." The last thing I want is for my Guru to read all the filth and rubbish that I spend my precious time pouring out to Nobody In Particular on this Tiny Web Space. I mean, I know non-attachment and all that, but in that crazy infinite quest for enlightenment and digging up the old Buddha nature and altruism and benefiting all sentient beings, I'd really rather not appear quite so vacuous to my Guru!

To his credit though, JP did say very nice things about Dolly Blog. I think he's appointed himself as my marketing manager which is nice, but err, it isn't working since there's still only about 10 people out of an entire 5billionpopulation earth reading it.

Then we started matching up characters in Lord of the Rings to people we knew. We'd already decided quite a while back that in our Asian version of LOTR, Rinpoche would be Gandalf and JP would the hobbit. To fill in the rest, we had Joe as Gollum (because he talks to himself), Ben as an orc, and this girl in the centre called Gimlee, as well, Gimli.

Then we got bored of this game and went back to pick games and making fun of the way Ben talks. Rinpoche suddenly pointed out how everything Ben says sound totally completely horny and sensual. Even things like, "No" and "Yes" and "That's all" sound pornographic when Ben says it; not in a nice turn-on kind of way but in this really strange retro kind of 80s music video way *feels disturbed now*

By about 7am, people were really starting to flag. I think the only ones with our eyes still wide as buttons (thanks to green tea) were me and JP. Joe had even untucked his shirt (positively shocking for neat, tidy, groomed Joe) and had become best friends with a cushion. He totally embodies the word "bed" (okay, let's be evil. you can read that in two ways) when he's asleep.

Finally, at about 11am, Rinpoche said, "Okay! I have to go do my sadhana now and that's going to take another two hours so I'm going to leave now."

We staggered out back home to bed. Well, some of us anyway - the rest of us like me got to go to work and get harrassed about Brylcreem advertorials again!

What's really freaky is knowing that while all of us were starting to feel like death on a stick, Rinpoche would be up quite a few hours more doing his sadhana, go to bed for about 3 hours, and then wake up bright and shiny and all ready to repeat as above.

Really, all seems possible with Rinpoche (burning up your friends, never sleeping, and selling sex). You realise very, very quickly that there's just no point in hanging on to hang-ups and expectations and warped ideas about the world because they are going to be totally destroyed when you're with Rinpoche (and if you don't realise that and learn to just relax, you're the only one who suffers!)

Zip. Before you know it, you're in some big, vast, empty, white space and although you don't know what's going to hit you next (or from where), you feel completely happy and still.

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Shoe Dolly

On the up: Shoes!
On the down: Not finding your size

Recently, I've rediscovered my horrible obsession with shoes. I can't let myself step into Aldo anymore because each time I do, another RM300 vanishes out of my bank account. The girls there even know me now since I do loans there quite often, and always seem to end up buying while doing work.

Look at the all the FabulousFantasticShoooooooooooes they have!

I heard/read/imagined out of nowhere that shoes are some sort of phallic replacement, so women who are obsessed with shoes are actually obsessed with the phallus. Like, okay, whatever. Sometimes even raging nazi-feminist me thinks these feminists have too much time on their hands to think up all this shit.

What totally irritates is that I have enormous feet and they never, ever have my size so either I suck it up and squeeze my toes into a 39, or I'm stuck with wearing ugly Factory Outley flipflops for the rest of my life.

Went shopping with Lannie today, on a Sunday-afternoon Girlie Day Out.... and saw The Most Delicious Pair of Chocolate Shoes. Yum! I mean, really, what could get better than this? SHOES and CHOCOLATE in a delightful pairing!

Just look at the chocolatey goodness! They're real and good enough to chomp on.

They even had my size, but they completely squished my right toes and were too expensive so I did that zen non-attachment thing and Let Them Go.... for the time being. I told myself that if they're still there at the end of the week, I'll buy them.
Then, we went over to this posh Vincci store (really, it's actually quite pretty and nothing like the usual tat you get in the other branches). And I found some fantastic black peep toes that I


They didn't have my size.
They didn't have it in any of the other Vincci outlets.
And they weren't ever going to order any more in.

So tragic and sad and Incredibly Pissing-Offing.

But I was absolutely determined to buy chocolate-coloured shoes. And when I get determined about shopping, I usually get my way (gee, why can't I seem to get that determination for anything else)

In the end, I settled for dark chocolate low-heeled peep toes.

Okay, so they're more Cadbury than Godiva, but it'll have to do (and were fantastically cheaper than the gorgeous ones above). On the upside, they don't mash my toes to a pulp, and will look excellent with my cute new stripey dress.

Now, I must absolutely find an excuse to go party, just to wear out the new shoes and the new clothes.

Isn't it nice to be so absolutely shallow :P

(well, even my MA dissertation (the biggest, longest, most serious thing I've had to write in my tiny life) was titled "Thank goodness for outward appearances" and was all about how superficial our postmodern lives are. I got a distinction for it, so I like to think I am completely qualified to be this shallow!)

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Just because Rachael Yamagata said it's okay to be emo, I just have to get up on my self-created mountain-made-from-a-molehill and say


Okay, that's off my chest now. Whew.

Singaporean Dolly

On the up: Rachael Yamagata
On the down: Imperfect stalking methods

Finally, my Singapore story:

Being such ardent, want-to-stalk-her fans, Miin and I tripped down to Singapore for Rachael Yamagata's concert. (And if you don't know who she is and haven't got her album, I'm afraid I might have to rethink my friendship with you).

Singapore makes me totally depressed. It's like an Asian Pleasantville and everything is so damn perfect and neat and orderly and straight-and-narrow it makes me want to cry.

The whole trip, Miin and I kept going, "Oh my god, this-and-this is so damn nice here, not like how back home it's like that-and-that-and-crap"
But despite all that, we still decided we wouldn't want to live in Singapore, even if you paid us. We need a bit of chaos and in Singapore there is absolutely none of that, and everybody looks like they're walking around with a broomstick up their arse.

Anyway, we got to go to the Esplanade for the first time which is very pretty and very arty but made us feel uncomfortable because it was just so perfect. Maybe that just shows that our standards have dropped? In an attempt to not spend any money and just because we didn't feel like hanging out with all the plebs downtown, we spent the whole weekend in the City Hall which got boring very quickly.

But never mind, we were there to see Rachael so I suppose anything else would have seemed trite in comparison.

We got great seats for the concert and were just Such Excited Little Fans. They said no cameras because they're anal like that but we snuck a few anyway :p

Rachael is just so damn fabulous onthepiano, onherguitar, and singing

... and she has a great band with a totally hot drummer

She was wearing this really bizarre non descript sort of outfit though, which made her look about 50 years older than she actually is. But okay never mind, she is still sublime and fantastic and has this great big messy unbrushed hair.

Since her relationships seem to be so seriously messed up, she should SO start thinking about women instead. Miin and I would so be lesbians just for Rachael. She's just completely cute!

The set was horribly short though because Singaporeans are ANAL and only let her have an hour (Tokyo Ska Orchestra were on after her, and apparently they needed a TON of time to set it up).

AND RACHAEL DIDN'T SING I WANT YOU. I waited the whole damn night for that song. No actually, I waited for months for that song, since I bought the ticket. It is absolutely the best psycho obsessed song EVER in this really I'm-so-in-love-with-you-I-might-quietly-kill-you kind of way.

Anyway, she has this great sense of humour and was totally rude on stage in a way that would have probably got the Singaporean censorship Very Het Up Indeed.

And she sang a song from her new album that authorises Being Obsessed. See, Rachael Yamagata says it's perfectly fine to be obsessive so I'm going to take advice that to heart since I get so easily obssessed about everything and everyone and then worry about being too obsessive.

Afterwards, there was an autograph signing session so Miin and I traipsed along like Brownies to join the Most Enormous Line. It was like every single HDB flat emptied out its teenagers and they ended up at the Esplanade for Rachael's concert and autography.

This is only about a quarter of the bloody line. Absolutely No-End-In-Sight

We came up with the most fantastic elaborate story to try to get ourselves to the front of the line. Something about how we prostrated for days from KL to Singapore just to see Rachael Yamagata, and how we so so so want to buy her some hot chocolate. We'd saved for MONTHS for this because we work a job that only pays us RM80 a month, and we live in a shoebox and support about 15 relatives with our meagre salary. We told each other the story so many times we almost started to believe it.

Anyway, some security people eventually came up and told us that "the artist will be leaving exactly at 10pm." It was 9.45 and we had only moved about 3 feet so we decided to call it quits and go for hot chocolate instead.

Then later we found out that she stayed real late, until she had given an autograph to everyone.

We are such crap stalkers.

We were GUTTED!

Then, we went for some of the worst hawker food I have ever eaten. They charged us S$8 for a plate of broccoli which is just totally wrong, and the carrot cake in Singapore is NOT carrot cake.

After dindin, I said to Miin, "You know, when you eat in Singapore, it's like you get really full but you're totally irritated because the meal tasted like crap." No wonder Singaporeans look so damn unhappy all the time.

Anyway. Weekend well spent. And I didn't buy a single item of clothing that whole weekend! *So Very Proud* (I'm saving the money for when I go in May and have a massive splurge then instead, hah!)

But hey, two days were well enough. By Saturday night, after the concert we were pissing and moaning at each other, "I'm bored now. I want to go home."

When we finally did get home on Sunday, Miin and I were never so happy to see disorganised roads and falling-apart-buildings again.

Green Dolly

On the up: Doing what you like
On the down: Doing what you dislike

I'm back on track after the big emo session on Tuesday re: the dilapidated state of my writing and a certain hair product company.

Three of my favourite people of the month (JP, Miin and Dolly Mummy) screamed at me for all the moaning and told me to Quit with a big fat capital Q.

In fact, a few days ago Miin said she liked reading my blog because it wasn't emo so I shall have to make a swift return to being lala.

So, in the spirit of doing things you like and not doing things you dislike, I decided to go paint my fingernails Tara green in the middle of the day today....

which is just so totally decadent, and wrong, and self-indulgent and wasteful but but but JP said it was okay! (well, sort of).

While on the subject of JP, I just noticed, actually, how funny it is that he always writes these really stress-everyone-out-entirely emails or sends out these little random smitchy *slap* messages to people, and then signs off with this horridly absurd, cheery, "Have a nice day! Ciao! Love, JP"

And since he's so nice about it, you can't even hate him. meh.Annoyed.

Anyway, I got the poor teeny tiny undersized manicurist to paint Vajrayogini BAM syllables on four random fingernails today so now I have mini Vajrayoginis dancing upon my fingertips (and I'm sure she's as thrilled as I am). Got pictures, but so can't be arsed to download them.

And then, as a bonus, someone magically plopped a new pair of shoes into my hands today! Lilac espadrilles....

Yes yes, I've decided it is inifinitely more fun to be ridiculous than it is to get het up.

Brilkreem Buddha

On the up: Learning patience
On the downdowndowndowndown: Brilkreem

I am soooo throwing a bitch fit about Brilkreem rightaboutnow (have changed spelling after a nice tip from a nice reader, so that I don't get even more unnecessary hassle from them)

So I get into the office and find out that we now have to do an extra advertorial LIKE RIGHT NOW because someone fucked up the last advert and published the incorrect one.

Brilkreem, presumably, jumped up and down like a small child and got very upset so now we have to layan them by doing another one for them ABSOLUTELY FREE.

So now guess which dumbass has to write the damn thing again.

When we say write, it doesn't just mean write.
It means:
-conceptualise the idea
-spend fucking hours and hours on getty looking for photos to match the idea
-someone else downloads the photos because I'm not allowed access the account
-write the text to accompany the photos
-write photo captions
-rewrite the press material they get to publicise the damn product
-send it to designers
-send it to the client after it's been designed
-if the client doesn't like it, we have to [repeat as above]

And then if we're lucky, someone might actually spend about one entire minute reading the page when it's printed.

So let's do a quick recap:

I write all my pages on time.
Then, that page got fucked up by someone else which was not me.
So now *I* have to write another page.
I don't get paid anything extra.
It doesn't, in any way, really contribute to any part of the bigger world peace plan, enlightenment or even sort of real happiness.
And reallyquitefrankly, who really gives a fuck about Brilkreem.

If I ever get enlightened (and at the rate I'm going, I don't think it's going to be soon), I am SO going to be known as the Brilkreem Buddha because that was the path would have gotten me to higher siddhis.

I think when I finish this neverendingstory round of advertorials I'm going to send a big bouquet of flowers to Brilkreem with a little card to thank them for forcing me to learn patience and to tolerate completely irrelevant, inconsequential, useless details in life.

Blah Dolly

On the up:
On the down: workworkwork

There is no 'on the up' today because I feel meh blah booooooooooo!

Am so busy this week and mostly it's with stuff that I don't particularly care about but end up doing just because they pay me. This includes things like writing a feature about moisturisers, and dealing with ridiculously overpriced handbags. I get totally depressed thinking about the fact that I am encouraging this overspending among bored and too-rich datins, when really I should be canvassing them to give their money to all the starving children in Africa.

Then, just found out that one of my Chinese journo friends just won a award for an article she wrote in a magazine (and she's still a student!) so now I feel even more fantastic about my immense contribution to the world through advertorials for Brylcreem and styling fashion pages.

*feels daft*

Concert Dolly

On the up: Weekend
On the down: Leftover work

Hooray! Friday friday!

Had a Very Suddenly Crazy week. Spent all day every day putting out a million small fires and there's still more crap waiting for me next week (magazine deadlines, product loans (vomit) and meetingsmeetingsmeetings).

*needs a holiday*

So I'm off to Singapore for the weekend to stalk Rachael Yamagata and eat myself sick at Original Sin with the fabulous Miiiiiiiiiiin! Bye bye

Late nights with a Rinpoche

On the up: Rinpoche
On the down: The rest of us

On Saturday night/Sunday morning, I only managed three hours of sleep (after all that party and prayer) which kept getting interrupted because of the big bad evil sun that kept trying to ninja its way into my room.

So okay, I thought I would spend Sunday night in bed.
Dead to the world

9.30pm, Rinpoche called. "Hello Paris munster! What are you doing?!!!" And then before I knew it, I was going out for coffee in town with the Buddha, JP, Webbie and Jenny.

We sat in the hottest (as in, no proper airconditioning) restaurant on Bukit Bintang while Rinpoche ate potatoes and I tried to be good by only drinking tea. He told us heaps of stories about his clubbing days in LA, all the marriage proposals he keeps getting, how he discovered the Kamakura Buddha and how to get yourself a nice ass (lots of nonstop lunges with weights). I'm SO going to start doing lunges now. He must know what he's talking about since a) he's a Bodhisattva and b) he's got a damn nice ass.

I tried to be a good little worker ant and take heaps of notes for the biography of his life that we’re going to write (it’s going to be a hit and put Dan Brown to shame, just you watch!). I also followed everyone around taking photos the whole evening which almost got me a few slaps but but but, it’s for the biography! The sake of all sentient beings! So Rinpoche let me get on with it.

Rinpoche was talking about how cool it would be to live in the Bukit Bintang area and how fun it is to just catwalk up and down there.

I said, "But there's nobody here who would look" which was a dumb thing to say since it just obviously proved to everyone and myself that well, *I* never ever get checked out by anyone, anywhere.

I swear Rinpoche's huge eyes got huger in shock at my statement before he went on to tell me that he gets phone numbers from people all the time there. Also, all the people who religiously stalk him at the gym and leave their phone numbers on his windscreen wipers and stuff. Think of all the poor Rinpoches having to deal with all of us cranky, crazed, neurotic samsara psychos!

Anyway, we got chucked out the restaurant at 1am and we all needed to pee. JP even started to walk funny because he was having trouble holding it in.

So we ran across the road to use the Regency's loo. Just so we didn't look suss, Rinpoche said very loudly as we walked in the doors, "Oh, I just love staying here. I always tell my friends to come stay here when they visit Malaysia" and then, "Oh I'm so tired! I can't wait to just go up to my room!"

Then we ran back across the road and stood around deciding what to do. MacDonalds was the only thing open and it was SO not an exciting place to be. So we sort of just hung around on the road for a bit...

When you're with Rinpoche, all is possible. It seems perfectly normal to be standing in the middle of the road in the middle of the night when there is nobody else around.

We discovered how Jenny knew every single backlane in KL, so Rinpoche asked her about her seedy other life...

What amazes me most is how Rinpoche looks perfectly natural, like he is exactly where he should be, whether he's standing in the middle of a city or doing prostrations in a the monastery prayer hall.

I love that this photo looks almost WongKarWai-ish! And JP looks like a button mushroom next to Rinpoche.

We'd been talking ealier about the darker side of KL and Chow Kit had come up in the conversation, and Rinpoche wanted to go see. A mystery tour around KL would be much more fun than MacDonalds so we climbed into JP's car and went rounding.

I tell you what. Jenny and JP sure know their way around the teeny, tiny, seedy lorongs. No wonder Jenny's as tough as a gangster.

The whole sex industry thing has always bothered me hugely and it makes me want to cry when I think about people sort of being forced into that kind of thing for a living. I watched a documentary about sex slaves in Romania once, and then read this awful book about slavery in Asia which really affected me and gets me totally depressed.

So it was all a bit weird going around with Rinpoche to see all these parts of KL that I didn't even know about (okay, I know I am a sheltered princess!). I've been trying to see my Dharma work as a way of connecting eventually with all these people in these industries. Or, I can't help them, then at least I might be doing something to help someone going through similar sorts of pain (Miin said to me once when I was feeling shitty about not being able to help people in sex slavery, "What makes you think their pain is any worse or different than others?" which made me realise that I guess you also shouldn't be selective about who you try to help!)

Anyway, it was pretty weird that we were going round the city looking at the thing that bothered me the most. And with Rinpoche too, who has the ability to just Live and Breathe Compassion, no matter where he is or what he's doing. Maybe it was a bit of a lesson for me that I should actually aim to help anyone, anywhere, and not to limit myself??

I tried not to think too much. It was too late to think anyway! In the meantime, it was just super precious to be hanging out with Rinpoche and running around the city on a car that was running out of petrol. I don't think there wasn't a road in KL that we didn't cover after those 2 hours of driving about. Man, I so thought I was sorted with KL roads but I went down a million of them last night that I’ve never known.

After cruising down dodgy streets, Jenny then decided to redeem us all directing us to go look at temples. We all got lost and JP kept going "Peen toh? peen toh? peen toh ah?" while Jenny sat in the back like a human map of KL and told him all the short cuts. She damn well knows the KL like it's her living room.

Susan was falling asleep in the back seat next to me, Jenny looked spaced, and JP had actually stopped talking for awhile. But Rinpoche was just all energy. You will never cease to be amazed at how little he sleeps and just How Charged he is all the time. I wonder if the Buddhas ever take naps?

Dharma discussions from the front seat of JP's car.

He talked to us about all sorts of stuff all night - Dharma, samsara, how to live the two together - and then made me and JP play the pick game (where you HAVE to pick between two really awful things. Doesn’t sound that bad, but it is when you see what kind of things you have to pick between and Rinpoche is damn good at coming up with the worst options).

The thing about the pick game is that you sort of try to be a bit intelligent with your answer, but you always end up sounding like a dork. But okay, you gotta learn to let that go cos the Gurus sure know how to make you give up that ego!

At 4am, we were back at JP’s hotel and started talking about Buddhas. So of course, the next thing we know, we’re all standing in the hotel lobby, checking Rinpoche’s email to see photos of 3feet and 5feet Vajrayoginis. (It is enlightenment all the way, all evening when you’re hanging out with a Rinpoche!)

And then it was time for bed.

At night, I dreamt about an enormous frog. It must have been about one foot wide, long and high. Just bloody horrible. And Rinpoche kept trying to make me touch the frog to get over my fear. Than god in real life, it’s just pick games, running around Bukit Bintang and Jalan Chow Kit tours.

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Defeated Dolly

On the up: Being hard working
On the down: Obstacles to work

So I woke up today and panicked when I thought about everything I had to do. So I thought I'd buck up and try to get through that enormous list of Things To Do Before The Weekend.

First up, thank you cards. I thought I do the nice dutiful, polite 19th century manners thing and write out lots of thank yous to people who came to support our Chinese New Year dinner. Because I am old-fashioned and dislike ugly generic electronic fonts, I thought I would handwrite everything out. I know I'm creating more work for myself but it's niceeeeer.

But the list of people I'm supposed to write to is in my email account and I can't get into yahoo the whole bloody day.


Then I thought I'd start work on an article that's due this week but realised that all the key info that I have on the personality that I'm writing about is also stuck in my email.


So then I thought I'd give it a break and go swimming. Outside my window there was HEAPS of sunshine. Yay!
Scorching heat
Swimming pool

I jumped into my swimmers as fast as my little legs could move and headed out to the pool.

I swear, the moment I got into the car, all these Big Fat Enormous Grey clouds appeared out of bloody nowhere.

Never mind. I was determined to swim and Burn Calories. Anyway, I thought, the clouds will act as a nice barrier and help prevent the early onset of skin cancer.

30 minutes into the swim it started raining. Okay, so you're probably thinking it doesn't matter since you're in the water already, but I just hate swimming when it rains. It feels gross. yuck. The whole point is to enjoy the sunny scorching skincancerous sunshine while being dipped in lots of big blue water. So very Jean-Marc Barr in Le Grand Bleu.

But never mind. I was DETERMINED to get through the hour even if it rained and felt gross.

Then the lifeguard came up to tell me there's lightning and that I should get out of the pool.

I swear I've been swimming there for 10 years and I've never ever seen a lifeguard at that pool.... and all of a sudden, on the day I want most to swim, he appears, clouds appear, and there's lightning.

So much for making an effort today.


Dolly's eyes

On the up: Honesty
On the down: Misplaced judgement

Okay, so the THG is not really that TH after all. The fit gym attire and Nice Muscles on display at the weights area were quite misleading and got me unnecessarily excited.

Yesterday, after I spent 5 seconds to put my contacts on, I realised just how easily misplaced my judgement can be! When I saw the THG again, this time with +1.75 vision correctly in place, I freaked out at my inability to see properly the first time round.

Then, on the same night, I really learnt not to trust my vision-less eyes when I walked into the gompa at 3am after digging out my contacts and saw Kennie, and thought he was hot.


Okay, but I'm not just a shallow rag. I like people's personalities too. Kennie can be fabulous too. Somtimes.

The Not So Hot Guy (now renamed to NSHG) though is on some Totally Wrong Wavelength that I

When he opens his mouth, it's like he's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over-out-inanotherplanet over THERE
and I'm

I don't understand what he says, I don't understand the humour, I don't even understand what subject he’s talking about most of the time. He's quite nice lah, I suppose, but just a bit too bloody keen and it's scaring me!!!

And now I can't seem to shake him off. He wants to do everything with me - go swimming, go gym, go eat dinner, go drinks. Sien.

Lesson learnt: be careful who you smile at on the cardio machines!

And make sure you wear your bloody contact lenses.

So damn potong stim.

(I hope Miin doesn’t shake her head and give me a lecture about being so superficial because she'd be right).

Anyway, I thought I would be a hero yesterday and do party and prayers all in one night. So I managed a Medicine Buddha puja, before going for dinner and karaoke, and then went back to the centre for aftermidnight mantras.

I’m Soooooooooooooo Good.

I have decided, however, that I’m getting bored of karaoke already. I think it’s the fact that I can’t actually sing anything without making people cry from the pain of listening and the Drink of Choice always seems to be old man Chivas. Yuck.

JP was being YSG yesterday and went for mantras before karaoke. And he had The Magic Ticket that held the vodka, so I couldn’t break into the remaining half of the Absolut til he got there. And really, after talking to the NSHG for about two hours, I damn well needed a Très Stiff drink.

I don't think I've ever been or ever will be as happy to have seen him when he walked through the door at about 1am. Also, after looking at and listening to the NSHG go on and on and on for the past two hours, JP looked, comparatively, as beautiful as the Sistine Chapel.

Andrea was back from Hong Kong and was sporting yet another fantastic handbag, from Miu Miu. She is now officially the Person With the Most Glamourous Wardrobe that I know. I hate her, she's so gorgeous!

Other highlight: Chin Li was hyping up some Gary guy for weeks now and had rung me up a few days earlier just to tell me that he was coming on Sat night. Okay, so I HAD to see what the big deal was.

No big deal lah.

JP yelled in my ear, “But isn’t he short enough for you?!”

Like gee, I don’t just like any man who's short okay.

I must stop talking about boys. I thought it might make a good fundraiser to get people to sponsor me to stop talking about men and sex for a month. JJ and Kennie didn’t believe I would last. What great friends I have, with such great faith in me. Pish.

But really. Must stop talking. Since the rediscovery of singleness two months ago, I have talked and lusted and desired and gotten absolutely bloody nowhere. All Talk No Action and it’s getting embarrassing and ridiculous, and now the whole world has confirmed their opinion of me as being entirely
a) desperate
b) pathetic
c) someone with too much time on her hands
d) small minded
e) frivolous
f) graceless about being single
g) all the above

Sometimes I think I just talk for the sake of attention and not even because it's actually what I want. Classic attention-seeker traits.

Time for a break. For the next month, I shall only talk about the weather, politics and work responsibilities, just to prove that I am capable of thinking with something other than my hormones.

Dolly Dolls

On the up: Dollies!
On the down: Humans

Look!!!! Monk dollies!!

Why is it that things are so damn cute when they're in miniature and made into dolls?

There are some people that I think would look just fantastic if they were made into dolls. People like Wendy would be damn adorable as a dolly. You could have variations too, like "Work Wendy" and "Dharma Wendy" and "Party Wendy", sort of like Barbie but with real people.

I think if I were to be made into a dolly, I would want to be a blowup doll because they're just so WRONG.

Of course, not the horrid cheap naked ones with bad makeup that you get in low grade sex shops, but the totally cute ones with clothes, like the one they made of Kimber in Nip/Tuck.

They'd have to shrink my waist a gadzillion times, inflate my chest and give me long hair since blowup dolls are all about impossible sexist fantasies and the objectification of women... but it's okay. I think it would only make sense if my alter-ego, dollyself was totally ridiculous.

Dolly truths

On the up: Miin's words of wisdom
On the down: No time to blog

Today, Miin she said, "well, it's true, boys are just pathetic sometimes"

I love it that she's so damn honest!

Gormless Dolly

On the up: Clever people
On the down: Feeling stoopid around clever people

I wonder how and why I ended up being vice-chair of a committee when most of the time I can't tell my elbow from my arse.

I am the most disorganised, scatty person in the world so either Buddha Vajrayogini picked names out of a hat, or she really wanted me to learn something this lifetime.

Two nights ago, I spent an hour talking to Wendy over tea, where she started talking about very intelligent things in a very intelligent, organised way and I felt like a dork sitting next to her just nodding and going "dee" and "dum" into my drink and not really contributing anything that made much intelligent sense.

Then I went home, and talked to JP for 1 1/2 hours... and it was an entire 1 1/2 hours of him also talking about very intelligent things in a very intelligent, organised away. There was only so much Organised Clever People talk I could hack in a night and there are only so many times you can say, "Oh yah hor..." before you really start to feel like you have a very little brain with very little of anything in it.

I love JP and Wendy to bits bits bits but I totally hate feeling like a blowup doll (vacuous headheartbody full of air) when I talk to them!!!!!!!

I said to JP, "You're really good at all this stuff. It's pretty amazing. I don't know how you manage to think up all this stuff."

He said, "You just need to think about your objective and work backwards from there."

I said, "You make it sound so easy. Pffft."

He said, "It is!"

It SO is NOT easy. I am SO not the planning kind of girl and all my life have thought in overlapping circles more than in straight lines.

JP told me it's because I'm arty farty and think in abstract thoughts. That sounded a bit too intellectual. I don't think I even think in abstract thoughts because that implies Picasso or Samuel Beckett.
I'm more like big random splotches.
Spilt by a hyperactive toddler.
By Mistake.
While she was sleep walking.

I feel SO sorry for Wendy and JP for having to work with me. I think they may get enlightened in this lifetime from just putting up with my gormlessness all the time!

Then again, I have also decided that I am not a defeatist kind of girl so I am going to learn to be organised and get with it! Silly today but smarter tomorrow, as Ben Kor Kor pointed out.

Better late than never. Vajrayogini must have picked me for a reason, eh? And the universe never gives you more than you can handle.

Faghag Dolly

On the up: Hot Men
On the down: Inaccessible Hot Men

That Totally Hot Guy keeps ringing me up and asking me to go out for drinks.

And I'm wondering... er.... why? Since he's so hot and such a ranter that he

Men fuck with your head, even if they're gay.

Bodystep Dolly

On the up: Bodystep!!!!!!
On the down: Sore feet

Hurray!!!! After a year of MIA, a dolly made a fabulous comeback at Bodystep today AND made it through the whole hour without taking a break. My poor old screwedup leggy legs were well prepped after a whole year of TLC, Epsom salts, chiropractic bills and Rest with a capital R, so if I'm not ready to get back on the boards, then I never will be!

It was just the same as it always was *sigh* with all the same lovely people like Lannie and Steven (since it was his class). And he played the Kylie track!

I surprised myself by being able to remember all the choreo top-to-toe for those First Four Favourite Tracks: how the track starts, what comes next, how many knee-repeaters, how many taps, when it ends, how it ends.

Why is it that I am so very talented in all the most useless things?

Anyway, despite the excitement and high spirits, it has been a whole year since I was reigning Bodystep queen so the Bodystep stamina has waned a bit. And by Track 10 I felt like

But I made it and I'm feeling very proud of myself and my lovely knees.

Dolly banking

On the up: Money
On the down: Not knowing where it goes

I am officially the most mentally-challenged person in this entire realm of existence when it comes to money.


I just know how to spend.

I thought that in the spirit of it being the start of a new year, I would make a proper list of all my spending in the last few weeks and write out cheques to cover credit card costs.

The list was not just

It was also

I sucked it up and wrote out the cheques so now there is that splendid feeling of catharsis.

Then I thought I would be clever and try to consolidate bank statements against my own records (see, I do make an effort).

And it didn't tie up.

Even my accountant mother came in to help and she gave up. She's been doing accounts for 30 years and yet, my teeny tiny bank account proved too much of a headache.

I've decided to START AFRESH! So have hidden my credit cards away and made them totally inaccessible for shopping.

In the following weeks, I shall only draw out RM100 at a time, eat leftover beans and rice and never, never step into any place with a cash till.

Chinese New Year Dolly

On the up: Fundraising RM108k!
On the down: Parties ending early

Alcohol makes me write ridiculous things so I even though it’s 3am, I thought I should blog about A Most Fantastic Evening.

We had a Chinese New Year fundraising dinner and auction tonight for KH and raised RM108,000!!! Totally a record and our heads are still spinning! *I’m spinning around lalalala* (Kylie)

Everyone wore red for the CNY theme and it really was so “ang ang” and redred that even my grandmother would have been proud.

This afternoon, I got a panicked call from JP about how we hadn’t bought any oranges. Chinese New Year and NO ORANGES? Hooooooooooow? So it gave me the excuse to go to 1Utama and buy oranges…. And on the way also picked up a new matchymatchy pink cover for my phone (see, I am obsessed and too attached) AND
high heeled

They are so hot and so chilli, they would make you thirst for days. (Shantini the queen of red, is so going to scream when she sees them!)

I found out later how difficult it was to stay standing in them for more than an hour without being compelled to murder someone just to relieve the pain.

Anyway, the bright-and-early committee were there Bright and Early at 5pm to start setting up. Party guests were supposed to start coming in at about 7, and by 6, my feet felt like death already.

By the time the food was laid out I RAN and ate as if it was going out of fashion. So did everyone else. James sat next to me and kept saying, “Are you going back again?” and waiting waiting waiting for me to say yes so he could go back for seconds too. I told him, Aiyo, just go lah! But he had this thing about going back to the buffet alone.

I’ve decided that James is the new Pooh Bear (sorry JJ).

He has a voice like butter and for RM200, he sang us You Raise Me Up, which made everybody want to fall in love.

Anyway, then we started the auction and Dolly was up there em-ceeing with JP and SP trying to force… I mean, encourage people to bid bigbigbig. There were so many little auction battles. Soooo dramatic and exciting and edge-of-your-seat it makes Eastenders look tame.

Silly Shirley had come just to get a Vajrayogini pendant. Yay for her staying through dinner and drinks and everything else just for the pendant. When it was up for auction she just bid and bid and big. I think she might have put her house up for auction if it got to that stage.

She got it after a furious battle with Krystal. Doesn’t she look pretty and smug with it?

Ooooh it was sooo fun shouting into a mic all night long. That whole “going once, going twice, sold” thing is such a little headrush! Made the vodka that Paulyne kept laddling out to me seem quite mild. We had gotten to an ab fab total of 85,000 then someone decided it would be better to up it to 88k. So we did. Then someone else decided it would be even better to up it to 108k.

So we did!

We are marvelous! And we sure deserved to get silly after that.

Here we go pose pose pose pose pose pose pose (in so much lovely angpow red!)

I love Su Ming. I can afford to ditch the grownup behavioru and act like I'm 6 around her. (My head looks so damn big here though and such ugly gums ewwwwww!)
Webbie, Dory and Su Ming wore so much red to do us all proud. Don't they look happy smappy!
Sio Chian is our centre's president and is the most insane person I know over 30. Don't underestimate the glasses and hair - she can be totally hot and out-party
all of us!
Okay, I look so much better here than Kennie does but I just wanted to point out how obsessed he seems to be recently about this tongue thing.
It's getting a bit worrying. (For the record, his tongue didn't touch me... if not, I would've caught boy germs!)
Even Joe (serious Joe!) put on groovybaby sunglasses and got forced onto the dancefloor. He's just such a cutie!

Then someone thought it would be fun to go around trying to get boys to take their shirts off. Everything terbalik in our centre. It’s the boys who are pretty and doing the stripteases.
Secretly, JP just luuuuuuuuuuuuurves the attention. I don't know why he even bothers with the pretend-modesty.

What is it about SP that makes it so much fun to go up and harrass
he hell out of him?!

By about this time, I decided to give up on the shoes and run around barefoot which just made my feet Soot and Tar Black. They were so damn painful I was willing to put up with the blackiness. Can always wash wat.

The Bodhisattva Kennie went around offering free massages which were amaaaaaaazing. (Or maybe it was only because my legs hurt thaaaaaaaaat much). Su Ming’s blissed out orgasmic-back-massage face is evidence enough.

So… Er… He has a long tongue AND massage fingers? What did I tell you about his girlfriend being lucky.

Ooooh, extra big special kisses to Wendy who is officially the brainiest, most organised, wonderful, talented person I have ever known.

She is The real Miss Money Penny. She handled all the money thingies all night and never took a break. Everytime I looked over at poor Wendy she was clattering away on Excel and handling huge piles of cash.

I would have

And there she was sitting in this unruffled, zenness like she was having a picnic.

We of the Vajrayogini Paradise Committee (otherwise known as VPC, otherwise known as the Very Party Committee) did the nice dutiful thing of staying back til everyone left. Such congenial hosts and hostesses we are! JP’s friend who owned the restaurant probably couldn’t wait to see the back of us. He never looked so happy as when it was packing up time.

Then we stood around in the carpark and had little mini celebrations in our head over how well we’d done. We had little group hugs and kept saying thank you to each other round and round in a circle. It was so Hallmark and I think the two ham paos JP and Wendy were going to start crying again (forever crying, those two).

So we diluted the touchyfeelyness with more posey posey pics.

Kennie tried... and failed to make any sort of impression.

We decided to take a group photo by self-timing the camera by balancing it on the spare wheel of JP's car. The first shot made me look fat. JP said, "But you are fat" which SO made me want to cry and stab him in the groin with my stilettos.

We got it right, eventually, with promises from Kennie that he would make sure I look thin (he didn't, but okay, nevermind)

Oh, it's like friendly, cheesey high school photos all over again *sigh*

And then we went home very happy for the 108k we had squashed out of many bank accounts for the sake of Enlightenment, hurray!

So long and good night!!!

Pink Dolly phone

On the up: Nokia
On the down: Everything else

The bad news is some fucker stole my phone in my own home when I had a party last week. The good news is that I got to go out and buy myself the most gorgeous phone in the world.


It's such a very very clever phone and takes very very pretty pictures and plays very very fabulous songs. Now, I can upload heaps of angsty, pain-ridden songs about unrequited love by Rachael Yamagata, and whenever someone calls me, I get to hear I Want You, which is officially the best song about being obsessed with someone. (Hmmm, sounds soooo familiar)
So please call me, many times throughout the day, please please pleeeeeeeeeeeease!
I don't think it can be healthy to be this attached and in love with a phone. So very Baudrillard and The System of Objects isn't it, this whole transference of desire onto inanimate objects?
Okay, I'll stop trying to bullshit my way to sounding clever.
I decided that in the spirit of going to the gym Three Times A Week At Least, I would drag my sorry fat-laden ass there today and torture myself. Then, I decided to be even more of a hero and go to RPM and do every track kowkow crazy until my legs now feel like a 16wheeler truck's run over them. Don't know how I'm going to walk tomorrow and I sooo want to wear heels to the Kechara House CNY party (which I'm em-ceeing.... watch Paris make a fool of herself).
In between cardio machines and RPM though, I walked past this Totally Hot Guy and he smiled this Extra Big Smile at me.
Now, Totally Hot Guys do not smile at Girls Like Me, even if they're gay, so it made me feel really super paranoid.
When you're the fat ugly uncool kid at school, you learn to develop acute suspicions of anyone who is unusually nice to you (and the suspicions stay with you for the rest of your life).
So I ignored the THG and went off to the stepper.
After RPM, I saw the THG again and he smiled at me AGAIN. I didn't have my contacts so I was wondering who the fuck this freak was who kept smiling at me like he'd inhaled too much caffeine.
I went up and asked him, "Do I know you?!?!!" which I realised as soon as it was out of my mouth that it sounded like some really horrible bad pickup line or just totally rude.
Okay, so it turns out I do know him - we were talking about muscles with some yoga instructor a few weeks back. How exciting.
Then he started to talk to me about architecture and how he only eats boiled fish because he doesn't want to get fat. Then he started ranting about how evil his former boss was and how traumatised he is from this comment the boss had once made. I was standing there at the weights section just listening to him rant and rant and rant, and I'd only known him all of 10 minutes.
Confirmed Not Straight.
I suppose just by virtue of me thinking he is Totally Hot already qualifies him as gay. Congratulations to me, I have just introduced myself to yet another network of KL's Gay Community and am one step closer to never getting laid!
Speaking of hot guys, I had another weird sex dream last night and it was (apparently) funny enough to make Dory choke into her noodles at lunch today. Save it for tomorrow. Dolly has to go to bed and let her strung out legs sleep.

164MB Dolly

On the up: Lovely photos
On the down: Stupid PR People

Sometimes I just can't get over how dumb PR people are. Didn't they go to school?!?!?! I know of a very good one if ever they need to go back and learn how to do their job properly!

I've been doing a beauty spread on fragrances so have been looking through piles and piles and piles of press releases about perfumes. Each press release is compiled of PAGES
of rahrahrah eloquently written/laid-out/drawn prose&poetry&picture lalas which, of course, doesn't actually tell you anything you need to know.

One of them has:
"Last location, the bird takes off again.
The couple is lying on the terrace of an amazing wooden house, perched above a canopy of trees: a green ocean made of motionless waves and light.
The camera rises further up til the house is but a speck in the middle of the greenery.
The bird is flying, seen from above, like a spot of color against the green background."

First of all, that is terrible writing and I could probably have written something more imaginative when I was 15, with my hands tied and my eyes blindfolded.

And please lah, okay, don't try to bullshit a whole industry of bullshitters (which is what all journalist/writers are, wat).

And after alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll that... they didn't even bother to tell us how much the product is. So how to feature properly?? There's also no real information about what the perfume is about or heck, what elements went into it.

I wonder if these people ever read the magazines that they're trying to get into because I sure as hell haven't seen any magazine write about flying birds and green trees in their perfume features.


there are the local dumbass PR people who cannot seem to understand that it's really

to send a photo that is 164MB! 1MB is more than enough. REALLY! TRULY! I PROMISE!!!!! We won't need to blow up your images to billboard size - maybe because the magazine is only A4 sized at most.

All is does is to bung up the computers and make for very pissed off journalists who now really don't want to have anything to do with your stupid product.

Use some goddamn common sense and intelligent. I'm sure they didn't hire you to be so goddamn stupid


The only person who seems to know what she's doing is Monita Goh @ L'Oreal and she is a very very very precious person to hang on to. The rest of them need to get some serious training.

Despondent Dolly

On the up: Tsem Rinpoche
On the down: Not doing enough for Rinpoche

Most of us at Kechara were sent this link on Singa Rinpoche's new hit video which you must must must must must go visit. It is fantastic for all the difference "faces" that Dharma can appear in and just great that it's all about being yourself while pursuing a spiritual path - soooo very Tsem Rinpoche!

It's a great video and totally inspiring but it did make me feel quite sad that we haven't been able to do the same for our Lama, Tsem Rinpoche yet. I got thinking about how I became involved with KH in the first place because someone had asked me to do some work with them for a documentary they were planning to do with Rinpoche. Two years on, still no documentary (and that person has mysteriously disappeared...) and I've been feeling rubbish that I hadn't (or didn't know how?) to make it work.

I mean, it's not just a big ego thing, like, "Oh my Lama's more famous than yours" but it's just sad to think of how many people could find something so precious and happy and peaceful from and with Tsem Rinpoche's teachings (like I have) and we just haven't got him and his teachings all the way out there yet.


You think we can still make it work with KMP and the like?

Paris sure hopes so.


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