On the up: Clever people
On the down: Feeling stoopid around clever people

I wonder how and why I ended up being vice-chair of a committee when most of the time I can't tell my elbow from my arse.

I am the most disorganised, scatty person in the world so either Buddha Vajrayogini picked names out of a hat, or she really wanted me to learn something this lifetime.

Two nights ago, I spent an hour talking to Wendy over tea, where she started talking about very intelligent things in a very intelligent, organised way and I felt like a dork sitting next to her just nodding and going "dee" and "dum" into my drink and not really contributing anything that made much intelligent sense.

Then I went home, and talked to JP for 1 1/2 hours... and it was an entire 1 1/2 hours of him also talking about very intelligent things in a very intelligent, organised away. There was only so much Organised Clever People talk I could hack in a night and there are only so many times you can say, "Oh yah hor..." before you really start to feel like you have a very little brain with very little of anything in it.

I love JP and Wendy to bits bits bits but I totally hate feeling like a blowup doll (vacuous headheartbody full of air) when I talk to them!!!!!!!

I said to JP, "You're really good at all this stuff. It's pretty amazing. I don't know how you manage to think up all this stuff."

He said, "You just need to think about your objective and work backwards from there."

I said, "You make it sound so easy. Pffft."

He said, "It is!"

It SO is NOT easy. I am SO not the planning kind of girl and all my life have thought in overlapping circles more than in straight lines.

JP told me it's because I'm arty farty and think in abstract thoughts. That sounded a bit too intellectual. I don't think I even think in abstract thoughts because that implies Picasso or Samuel Beckett.
I'm more like big random splotches.
Spilt by a hyperactive toddler.
By Mistake.
While she was sleep walking.

I feel SO sorry for Wendy and JP for having to work with me. I think they may get enlightened in this lifetime from just putting up with my gormlessness all the time!

Then again, I have also decided that I am not a defeatist kind of girl so I am going to learn to be organised and get with it! Silly today but smarter tomorrow, as Ben Kor Kor pointed out.

Better late than never. Vajrayogini must have picked me for a reason, eh? And the universe never gives you more than you can handle.