On the up: Health check ups
On the down: Seeing babies

Being the good little hypocondriac that I am, I took myself to the gynaecologist for a check up yesterday.

The first trauma: I stood on these ridiculously accurate digital scales and discovered that I have apparently put on FIVE KILOS (not possible, surely!).

Then I went in and told the doc that I'm off the pill now (because I'm guilelessly and indulgently honest like that). She goes: "So you're using condoms now?"

And I'm like, "Errrr noooo. I'm not having sex" (since I'm now single and don't quite see any possibility of sex in the near horizon since everyone I know is a woman, or a man who wants to be a woman). It sounded far, far worse when verbalised, like announcing a sort of bodily dysfunction - "I have incontinence; I have constipation; I'm not having sex" all kind of goes in the same category, no? The misery of the statement was abated only by the fact that the doc didn't bat an eyelid.

Then she did a scan on me to check some stubborn little S.O.A.B cyst that has been hanging about for years. I swear to God, when she turned on the ultrascan, I SAW A BABY.

She said, "Oh look, there's your baby!" which made me justaboutscream.

WHAT BABY?!

I did a quickquick thinkthink when it could have gone wrong between the last packet of pill and now and if I had missed anything somewhere along.

But she was kidding lah.

Aiyo, please lah, don't joke about BABIES!

On the up: Yoga
On the down: Stiff joints

I woke up at 8am today to go to yoga which, if you know me well enough, is a very very major feat. Everything was still almost aching from Monday's Yoga boot camp but you can't stop a Dolly when she's all determined!

So I trolleyed my way there and ta da! The class wasn't until 9.30am so I had to sit there for 45 minutes and read NST about a hundred times (very bad reading entertainment).

I've followed Jean The Yoga Guru's classes for about two years now and when I grow up, I so want to be like Jean. I think she's made of rubber and weights as much as a bag of air because she
can
do
anything

All those big shot athletes with their big shot fancy moves are but foot stools for Jean to rest her ankles on.

Anyway, I feel quite smug because she recognises me and if I haven't gone for ages, she'll notice and comment when I next turn up. I'm all, "Oh yay! She knows me!" in a very adoring fan sort of way.

BUT, in spite of my three years of silent worship from afar, I think she still doesn't know my name and she's never asked so it would be too weird now to go up to her and say, "Oh by the way, my name is..." It's so irritating because I so want to be a groupie and
be
her
friend!!!!!
(doesn't that sound so high school and desperate)

If you knew Jean, you would SO want to be her friend too. Then again, I'm sure she already has throngs of people winging around and bothering her with silly questions (as I do) and so, I suppose when you're up there already with the yoga dakinis, you really don't want to encourage any more psycho fans from following you about all the time.

I shall have to resort to stalker methods.

On the up: Meeting men
On the down: They are all gay

I officially know every single gay man there is to know in KL. Went out for drinks tonight and ta da! There's a whole bevy of gorgeously dressed, gorgeously groomed gorgeous gorgeous men all sitting there looking prettier than me.

It's a bit of a pattern now. Someone invites me out for drinks and I'm all "hurray! I'm so popular! I'm so wanted! I'm such a social butterfly! Everybody loves me and adores me," and then I turn up in my pretty pretty outfits all ready to stun the men, and then
they're
all
gay
so whatever little tiny modicum of sex appeal evaporates as quickly as a puddle in the Tanzanian outback.

BUT, they make fantasticwonderfulgorgeousamazing friends and are entirely more fun than straight men. You just can't take them to bed, which is a shame but you talk to them so much about sex that it would seem incestrous to anyway.

I met the very famous Willian Kee today. He's a bit of a legend in the fashion writing galaxy but I had this image of him being a bit of an old has-been Elton John style (usually, well established people in the fashion world are, aren't they?!), but he's totally not not not and very cool and young and wine-drinking. He also had a very adorable friend called Robert (I think but the wine may make mistakes in my head) who I so so so wish was straight and so so so is not. We had very meaningful long discussions about how goddamn awful product loans are and you just can't believe how happy it makes a Dolly to know that she's not the only person in the world who hates shopping for a living.

Oh and this wine place we were at serves PORK - real bacon of the real porkie pork kind. It is so non halal there and I love it - wine and pork burgers in the middle of the night. Actually, forget the wine, just gimme the damn food! Doesn't take much to make me happy *grin*

On the up: Being thin, svelte and healthy
On the down: That neverending weight battle

I know everyone is sick to their back teeth and back of me whingeing about my weight but IT IS AN ISSUE.

I've lost some weight, hurray, after all that return to gymming and lots of fruit. People have even noticed and have commented on the weight loss, huzzah! And X said yesterday that I don't look like a heffer, even though I was gym-absent for over 8 months. There is hope yet for an overweight Dolly.

At the same tim Dolly Mummy has been on a Very Healthy Diet of boiled vegetables and grilled chicken and when she went to her doctor's for her regular check up, found out that she had lost 3 1/2 kilos.

So Dolly and her Dolly Mummy were very happy, clapped their hands, did a little dance and felt they should reward themselves for all the hard work by eating lots of chocolate and cake.

Someone dropped round two very evil slices of cake packed full of saturated fats of every kind in the world and now I've got constant urges to run downstairs for a big bite of cheesecake. I've also been scoffing chocolate and crispy Indian muruku things. So naughty naughty. What to do when you live in a fat farm and there is always delicious food in the kitchen!

Oh I was just SO GOOD in the last fortnight and I'm afraid to jinx it. I was sooooooooooooooooooo gorgeous a year ago and now I look like Bessie the cow, except even Bessie doesn't pig out on chocolates; she just eats grass all day long.

And so, I shall have to reinforce a papaya regime again. It's fabulous - you eat heaps of papaya (instead of say, Ferrero Rochers) and it keeps you full and makes you poop everything out.

Okay, that was much too much information. A girl loses all sense of common decency when she gets desperate.

On the up: Being admired
On the down: Not doing anything about it

I met up with a friend, X, who I haven't seen in SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VERY LONG. I was worried I wouldn't be able to recognise her so I made sure I got to the restaurant first so I could sit there and look at everyone who came through the door.

I haven't hung out with her and that group of friends for so long that apparently one of them has gone off and decided to get pregnant and is already 10 months through! Time flies when you are so not having a life.

Anyway, I used to go to Finnegans a lot with X (not the SPG one in Bangsar lah, but the nice chilled out, loud, local one in Sri Hartamas). Ageeeeeeeeees ago I met some guy there who started talking to me about music and I found out that he had heard actually of Ben and Jason which made me scream very loudly in an already very loud pub because I was so excited. Like, NOBODY in the whole wide world knows about them except me, Tom from university and now this guy.

So yay, he told X later that he was interested in me and I was all heehaw! and felt very smug and adored.

Then forgot all about him, as you do.

And then ageeeeeeeeeeees later, X tells me he still asks about me everytime he sees X at Finnegans. "Where's your friend? Where's your friend? Where's your friend?" and X is all "I don't know! Leave me alone" because she really didn't know where the hell I had dropped off to. I was like, "Aiyo now you tell me." But anyway.

That did make me feel quite special today, and not entirely like I have lost touch with the rest of the world.

But then, that only lasted for about 10 seconds because then I thought, "Well if he was that interested, he could have asked X for my phone number, couldn't he?"

D'oh. Boys are so stoopid.

On the up: A new year
On the down: Too many things to do, too little time

Hurray for 2007 - lots of new things in the new year. I had a nice week off from the whole wide world when I threw a big fat bitch fit and told everyone very nicely to fuck off - then I spent about 10 days in bed, watching really fascinating programmes on TV. (It's amazing how exciting some of that shit on Astro can be when you're just so desperate for something to watch). In between, I went to BodyBalance and made myself feel very svelte and thin and flexible (even though I still can't, for the life of me, do a forward bend; not even half!). And I ate lots of fruit to pretend I was being healthy and svelte and thin.

And so, I highly recommend that everyone throw a bitch fit once in a while, spaz out, hide and do bloody nothing for a long time.

Then you bounce back like Tigger.

See, samsara is good for some things.

Also, it seemed that even though I was only away from Dharma for about 10 days and had hoped to slip away very QUIETLY, the whole world seemed to know that I wasn't around. When I came back, May said, "Oh my god! Where have you beeeeeeeeen??????? You were missing in action!!"
Bonita said, "Eh? Long time no see lah. Where did you go?"
Wendy said, "Are you okay now?"
Sio Chian said (very loudly), "Wah! You're back!!! Wah, long time didn't see you here lah" (it was only a week!)
Ruby gave me a big hug and said, "Welcome back!!!" like I had been very far away for a very long time.

Either they all love me that much OR I am such a big loudmouth that my absence is far more noticeable than my presence. Even big ol Korky wrote me a nice email to say that he was concerned about me being away (man, that must have really been a big bitch fit if even Korky heard about it) and that KH wasn't the same without me... which made me feel really bad because I always get really bored when I go to his Dharma classes and sit in the corner reading my samsara books.

Anyhoo, I feel well loved and very popular indeed, which is what all ego-centred dollies need at all times of the day.

Also our very sexy new book (remember the one I almost got carpel tunnel from, from all the transcribing?!) is coming out soon and everyone has to buy one from me, if not I'll cry.

On the up: New year, new me!
On the down: December 2006

December just disappeared *poof*

The enormous project wore me out entirely. Clever me and the team had to transcribing 27 hours of talk and then editing, compiling and designing everything into a sexy book in 12 days. 13 CDs of transcribing and 150 (single spaced!) pages of edits later, I was very ready to throw up and scream.

But anyway, then it was Christmas hurray but I spent it proofreading all night gah.

And then it was new year's eve double hurray and I went with A and his friends to Bangkok which was lots of highs and a few horrible lows :( They do officially have the most amazing shopping EVER though. Heaps of nice photos but am too damn lazy to upload it all now and why why why is the Internet so sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow?

And there is so much work now which
makes
me
want
to
cry

boooooooooooooooooooooo

Will write something interesting later and sooooooon, promise promise promise