On the up: Honesty
On the down: Being told the cold hard truth

*I know it's the big golden no-no to talk about weight and and fatness etc but I'm going to do it anyway. Pfft*

I was very holy and went to a migtsema prayer session yesterday. I was feeling just sooooooooo ISH (I’m so holy) and virtuous.

Then just as I walked through the door, I saw Gerry across the room furiously gesturing me with her phone. She’s on a silent retreat, so no talking (Oh god! Can you imagine!) so she communicates by typing messages on her phone.

So I trotted over thinking it would be something hilarious and bitchy as usual. It said, “Oh my god, what a fat faery!” (She calls me a faery because of my MSN nick, and the pair of wings she bought me for xmas).

I was like, “WHAT!”

Then I sat down on a cushion next to this lady, Sio Chian, and complained. “Geraldine just told me I got fat.”

She looked at me and said, “Yah, you put on weight alright!”

I was like, “WHAT WHAT!” So effing blah.

I spent the rest of the prayer session (3 malas of migtsema… gah) thinking about how to lose weight instead of doing proper meditaiton.

The disturbing thing is that Gerry and Sio Chian are the only two (of three) people in the world who I don’t mind telling me I’m fat to my face. So I can’t even get irritated by them saying that. They just say it like, you know, “Oh, the weather is nice today. There is conflict in Nepal. You got fat.” Not like people who say it to you just to make you feel bad (you know the sort, and you know who you are if you do that! Pffft!).

So, if Gerry and Sio Chian go “Oh my god, what a fat faery!” you know they’re saying the truth.

Okay lah so I know I’m getting blah again. Zip-up skirts don’t fit around the hips anymore and end up being squeezed through the waist. Yuck. And I haven’t been able to run around the gym 6 times a week doing step like crazy because of my stoopid legs.

But I’ve been ignoring the fact and thinking it’s only cos PMS is making me bloat (okay, not that much, I know but I like the illusion okay?). And it doesn’t help that I have friends that keep feeding me nice things.

So how?

I have to do that university thing again where I just eat fruit salad for dinner. Pengsan.

What to do? Either that, or can’t fit my clothes, look like Mr. Blobby and have people shouting across prayer halls at me that I got fat.