On the up: Divinity
On the down: Distractions by worldly affairs

Okay I admit I do *try* to do a set of prayers, sadhana, every day. It's my little sad pitiful attempt to connect to something higher just in case they forget about me. I don't want to die and be banging on some cloud and they're like "Who the fuck's that?!" and send me back to earth again. Bleah.

I have faith. Really.

I just think I'm probably going about it all the wrong way.

Like how my sadhana is dependent on things being all designer and pretty. So my statues are all campy and beautiful and very expensive of course because I'm materialistic like that. And my mala is very designer, made of pink pearls.

I know, I know the whole point of spiritual practice is detachment from material things, right? Oh well. My reasoning is it's better to have a little bit of attachment in the search of detachment, than not to strive for detachment at all.

And I just can't do my sadhana if it's too hot. Optimal conditions are when it rains and there's a nice breeze coming through the front windows. So that means the whole basis of my practice is conditional and detached, again.

And then, while I'm doing the actual sadhana and reciting mantras I'm thinking of everything but.

Today, I spent a good half a mala of Manjushri mantra thinking about having sex. Not that we're ever told sex is a bad thing (cos it ain't!) but the point is not to be attached to it, and thinking about it during prayer is probably a good sign as any that I'm still massively attached.

Sometimes I sit in sadhana thinking about just how irritated I am with someone and how I'm gonna get them back. In fact, those days, I look forward to doing my sadhana because I have a whole half an hour of "quiet time" to bitch about events in my head and scheme new ways of revenge. Which errr of course is not in line with compassionloveforgiveness and all that.

And I
definitely
cannot
do
my sadhana when I'm hungry, because then it's all "Hurry up hurry up. I want food. I want food. Eat eat eat." Attached!

And let's face it. Apart from Happiness For All Living Beings (which I do think is great and more of us should wish for it), my biggest impetus for editing Dharma books at the moment is so World Peace will think I'm fabulous and fall in love with me.

Attachment!