On the up: Weddings parties
On the down: How scary marriage is.

Little Krystal got married last weekend. Wheeee! Weddings are fun when they’re not your own because you get to go to a party without having to say scary vows and sign scary bits of paper.

And because Krystal seems to know all the cutest boys of KL and Melbourne, the wedding was packed with eligible bachelors.

Anyway, it was first church wedding since I was 9. Lannie and I got lost just trying to get there. One Ipoh girl who doesn’t know how to go around KL, and one stupid girl who can’t read maps.

We ended up going down half a dozen dead end roads and round industrial factories before we found it.

We felt like frauds going into the church. Okay, not Lannie cos she’s a good little Christian girl (!) but I was a bit worried someone there might psychically figure out that I’m a bit of a heathen and chuck me out.

Krystal’s husband came up to the pew we were sitting in and said, “Hello Dolly” even though I’d never met him in my life.

I freaked out, “WHAT?! How you know me?!” and got very worried that maybe I already met him but forgot? In my warped head I always think that if people you don’t know, know you it’s usually because you’ve messed up big time and they’re coming to point their little fingers at you.
It’s cos Krystal showed him photos lah.

Anyway, Krystal was walked down the aisle to that Bob Carlisle song, “Butterfly Kisses” and she looked so pretty Lannie and I almost cried (cos we’re saps).

So we sang to all the hymns and cried some more when they said their vows, then pushed our way in the front for photos:

For the dinner, they put all the gym bunnies (because we’d all met Krystal in the gym) in a faraway corner of the ballroom which was fun because we could muck about and the aunties wouldn’t see

Shantini was sitting there looking around looking real worried, and then she suddenly said real quietly, “Errrrr, I’m like the only Indian in this whole room!”

There were about 40 tables, 400 people and yah, she was the only Indian.

She said she’d give us five dollars if we could find another Indian but we couldn’t. The Indian supervising waiter guy didn’t count, even though he tried to hit on her. He sent word by a waitress that he thought she looked very nice or something lame like that, so she sent back the message “Oh thank you. My husband will be very happy to hear that.” *Big fake grin.*

Bitchy.

Lannie and I were getting desperate cos there were no Indians for miles. We even considered going out to finding one to come in and sit at one of the tables for a few minutes just so we could get the five ringgit but Shantini wasn’t having any of that.

I was wearing the tightest cheong sam ever which made all the ugly bits stick out so I had to sit very straight all night and not eat. Damn difficult when you’re starving. Later I found out the sides had split a bit. Oops. See, that’s why I need to starve for a few weeks.

But we were all so damn ladylike it was impossible. Of course nothing compares to Krystal who is so small she could be the living Tinkerbell. She can sit in a thimble and still have space. This means she can wear anything AND
LOOK
FABULOUS.

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ... ...

It’s like the only wedding I have ever been to where there were totally cute slide shows and funny videos of the bride and groom, and no long boring sleepy speeches. Yay!

And no dried up fruitcake in a sad little cardboard box – there were Patchi chocolates. And any place with chocolate earns extra points with greedos like me.

Shantini was plotting how to steal the Patchis off the next table which was empty but they cleared it before we had the chance. Evil.

We yum senged the loudest even though we were at the back – gym bunnies what, have to maintain our reputation for being loud and attention seeking.

So, yay for fun wedding parties.

I was thinking about how I want to get married just for the big fat party and the GIANT CAKE and a big poofy dress and heaps of photographs so I can be hiau, and getting to be the centre of attention.

A few months ago I rang up Shan and told her all my party plans.

“I want to get married cos I want a BIG BIG PARTY! It’s gonna be the best party, EVER. But I don’t really like the marriage part lah. So how?”

“Uh… just have a party then. You don’t have to get married wat.”

“Oh yah…”

Shantini is so crever.

So. I’m going to go squeeze out heaps of money from somewhere and I’m going to have a fabulous birthday party this year. And only special people get invited. So there.