On the up: Boundless compassion
On the down: Complaining

I was having a nap yesterday afternoon and thinking about how I just really. really didn't want to go to Tsok because it would mean, inevitably, definitely, for sure, I would fall asleep halfway through verse 54.

I don't think there's anything more painful than falling asleep sitting upright, while trying to balance your prayer sheets and keeping anyone from noticing that your eyelids are closed because they're asleep, not because they're engaged in detailed visualisation of the Guru tree.

Anyway, BK rings up and asks what I'm doing that evening so I have a moan about going to Tsok. But but but, the Buddha was going out to dindin and he'd invited me to go eat.

"See, I think he knew you didn't want to go to Tsok!" said BK. I believed her. I think I willed it hard enough that I didn't have to go and the dakinis went back to tell him.

Again, as always happens, I had 1) oily hair and 2) was trying not to eat so much because I had been feeling sick all day. But 1) there was no time to go wash my hair and 2) we were going to a buffet.

First up, we headed out to 1Utama to go look at our Dharma outlet, DMT. We parked waaaaaay on this side, and DMT was waaaaaaay the other side so we had to walk waaaaaay cross the whole enormous mall to get there. Rinpoche strolled, the rest of us sped along as fast as our short little legs could carry us. I don't understand how it's possible that he walks so slow and relaxed, we're speeding along like marathon brisk-walkers and he's still waaaaay up ahead of us.

"I don't get it how he's always so far ahead," I panted to JP.

"That's because his one step is like three of yours," he said. And yah, I believe he's assessed it well enough seeing as he's got short legs too.

Then we went to eat!

I bitched and gossiped and gave every last remnant of new news I could as we scoffed immense amounts of food. I don't know how it is that I still, after all this time, manage to delude myself into thinking that Rinpoche asks me for new news, and updates about certain people because he is as salacious a gossip as me.

Of course he's not. The ensuing Dharma teaching, over milkshakes and chocolate fountains for dessert, stripped me bare to myself. All the gossiping, all the complaining, all the bitching was never about the other certain people. It was all about me and the question, What spiritual practice are we actually doing with these people around us?

Rinpoche had to intervene to deal with something that I had been struggling for weeks to figure out. It is shaming, somewhat, that your Guru has to do your laundry and sort out your domestic affairs when really he should be out there fighting villains and being an enlightened superhero. I apologised that I had let it get to a stage where he had to intervene.

He said, in his usual joyous way, "It's okay, Paris. It is a pleasure for me to do this, but you take it as an experience to learn from, so that in future, if you have to deal with people or situations like that again, you do it with more patience."

Some people need to be shouted at. Other wusses, like me, being told off nicely is enough to send shockwaves through my head. I can't stand it when things are not right and it will bother the shit out of me until I fix it somehow. I felt suddenly very guilty for being a bitch, and I said so. Rinpoche said, "At least you feel guilty! That's a good sign!" and turned the situation to light again.

And so I hope this means I will stop complaining about people. I must. I don't want to create that ugly karma to come back and do it all over again with a whole new set of other people.

So the bitching was never about bitching. D'oh. All these weeks of talk and gossip was just a nice way for me to reveal everything about how I deal with situations, how I complain. The point of bitching with the Buddhas is that they somehow manage to strain you dry of every last vestige of complaint you have of whatever and then they ask, "So what can we do about it?" and you have to to fix it.

And fixing doesn't mean you hire some crook to go break their legs. It has to be done with joy, not matter how much you have to grit your teeth and no matter how much you'd rather scratch their cars when they're not looking.

After dessert, Rinpoche asked after another of our friends.... which led to another 4 hour discussion about the awful mess she had stuck herself in, how the mess had now spread outwards to everyone else, and how we had to fix it.

Four of us, in neat succession, told our stories, our views, our suggestions on how to make her happy again. And Rinpoche, alert, concerned, kind, energised, bright, sad to hear of his student this way, happy to be able to help, asked a hundred questions to get to the bottom of things and listened to every last thing we had to say about every last thing.

It's funny -I guess there always a part of me us that think of Buddhas, Gurus, teachers, spiritual masters and all their reincarnations "helpthe planet" by going out there and being superheros, doing "mass salvations" of thousands of people.

I forget that helping the planet actually starts with helping every single being inside that planet.

We exhausted the whole night, until 5am talking about this one person. To someone on the outside, it may seem like a total waste of time. They would say, with their brisk 21st-century corporate ways, "Just get on with it, it's just one person, what's the big fat deal?!" Now, if people aren't working the way we'd like them to work, we get rid of them. It's easier when people are dispensible.

With Rinpoche, instead, you're forced to do intricate surgeries on every single individual you come across. He'll ask you what you think about them
why
what you think about the way they acted
why
how you think they will react
why
until you know them inside out.
And then you find ways to help them, even if it means staying up until 5am to find that way.

This matters because this one person can help another person, and another person, and another person, and so we help the whole planet.

It is a tireless job. The number of "persons" is infinite, all waiting right there with their neurosis, their hang ups, their impatience, their craziness, all waiting for someone to come and fix it.

People like Rinpoche will listen to all of the neurosis, the hang ups, the impatience, the craziness, day after day after day, incessantly, as they hang around outside and bang the door down to come in. And the amazing thing is he never, ever tires of it.

Flying in the sky, clairvoyance and controlling the weather are maybe-miracles. With the help of a bomoh and maybe-witchdoctors all kinds of supernatural stuff are possible.

But this unceasing energy and boundless compassion is not merely possible with a wave of a wand and some ugly potion. This boundless compassion and tireless drive is something none of the rest of us are going to be able to perform and achieve any time soon.

And that, truly, is what a real miracle is all about.