On the up: Health and weight loss
On the down: Sweets and needles

After all that deliciously soggy Chinese good, which led to a wonderful, pain-inflicting bout of gastric, I lost 3 kilos.

Who said I can't lose weight as quickly as I put it on? I can lose it faster, damnit. All it takes is starvation and a serious case of acid in my tums.

But heck, that ain't healthy! (I could have told you that! said the voice in my head).

I have joined the cult that everyone I know has joined and am now seeing a Chinese doctor/acupuncturist about why the hell my insides are all fucked up and why my knee STILL feels like a lorry just drove over it.

So now he's put me on some godawful life-is-a-misery diet which, coupled with the acupuncture looks to bringing all the bits inside back to a level playing ground. Start back at basics then, so things can (re)figure out how they're actually supposed to work, and stop screwing me up thank you very much.

So this means:
no protein at all (no mean, no eggs, no dairy, no soya, no beans, no nuts)
no alcohol
no heaty food
no cooling food (not even fruit!)
no tea, coffee and cold drinks

When I heard I said, "What the hell else is there left to eat?!"

Sharon assured me I could still eat vegetables and rice.

FOR THE NEXT 100 DAYS.

meh.

Also, there is some very strange theory about sugar levels so I have to eat a whole tonne of sweets - like 8 sweets, EVERY FRICKING HOUR.

There is a logical explanation for this but I can't talk about it because just thinking about sweets makes me want to vomit. Apparently though, it won't make me put on weight... so we shall see how it goes in 50 days, and if I'm as big as a boat I am going to SCREAM and burn down his shop lot.

Also,
no sex
no alcohol
no exercise
and I must sleep on my back, straight as plank.

This is SO not fun. bleaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

But I am a hypocondriac and a sucker and I will believe anything so I'm going to do these 100 days. I have will power, I do! Just you watch!